The Madness of C.A. Lee

That's All Folks!

2008-12-28T00:22:00.002+13:00

Truth be told, I'm sick of the sad sap I've become. I started a new blog recently, and after a couple of posts I realize I much prefer the new content. Unfortunately, they turned out to be much TOO personal to share with everyone, so it'll stay as an anonymous blog.

And yup, this is the end of this blog. Thank you to all who has been following so far. I'm getting out of here before I'm trapped in this gloom & doom!

Oh and Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone!

It's a brand new start for me!

Tada

2008-11-28T01:49:00.002+13:00

I pass the year, but I got tagged for surgery and required to do a directed elective for medicine.

Yes I'm that bad. Watch out world, there's a dubious doctor in the making.

The annoying thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to improve on all these assessments. I just feel so... left out of the loop.

Have to survive next year. How?

PASSED

2008-11-12T17:34:00.003+13:00

I passed. Barely. But passed.

Now I'm torn between just stay as far as I can from Medicine for the holidays, or start preparing for my final year in med school. My results have been going steadily downhill right back since sem 4 in IMU, and now that I've reached the point where I've just barely missed the failing line, I can't afford to be complacent anymore.

I'll definitely take a break once I get registered as a doctor. Maybe get myself involve in some research. Or perhaps some light teaching back in IMU. Facilitating PBLs sounds like a fun way to earn some money.

Fear

2008-11-10T01:04:00.001+13:00

But I fear
I have nothing to give
And I have so much to lose
Here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like
Better than to fall

- lyrics from 'Fear', by Sarah McLachlan

Achievement

2008-10-26T04:37:00.004+13:00

I helped a friend getting his first job at a prestigious company. Giving him tips on what to expect in the job interview, how to handle some of the commonly-asked questions, and most significantly, proof-reading & correct all the errors in his all his mail to the company when he was applying for the job. I'm really happy for him for getting that job.

That small contribution I've made gives me a sense of achievement. Something I have never felt ever since I've entered med school 5 years ago.

...Sometimes I pity myself.

rambling

2008-10-23T04:38:00.002+13:00

oh why why do i study medicine no time not enough time to finish study everything omg i need sleep it's 4.38am and exam's on 2.15pm but shit i still haven't cover so much omg i dowanna fail cost too much bloody 120000 ringgit cannot be gone to waste not to mention my loan which i have to return no no no please no i need to pass this badly omg i should sleep no i should study i'm going mad

I'm lost...

2008-10-22T04:34:00.000+13:00

...in a sea of drugs!!!

ARGH!!!

Memories of Spring @ One Tree Hill

2008-10-15T15:20:00.002+13:00

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38848&l=5095d&id=506321725

Motivation from Mozart

2008-10-14T21:46:00.002+13:00

Thank God for Mozart. When I just can't go on with my studies anymore, his music is the only thing that still motivates me to soldier onwards.

Especially his final completed masterpiece, the 4th movement of his Symphony No.41 in C Major (K. 551). Woody Allen once said that the piece proves the existence of God. While I think that's an overstatement, the piece is nothing short of a glorious testament to the genius that is Mozart.

It'll soon be over

2008-10-14T16:16:00.003+13:00

While it may seemed that I have stop blogging bcuz I'm losing interest in it, truth is I just don't want to whine incessantly in my blog, which is what that will happen if I am to write down my thoughts and feelings for the past few months. Yes things have been rough, but thank God it'll all end soon.

Finals will start at 18/10 with Paper A, Paper B at 23/10, and OSCE on the 28/10. And hopefully this is the only time I have to take these tests, as I certainly don't have the will to repeat 5th year again. I have enough of struggling through med school. About time to learn by being part of the workforce.

I need a break. A very long break.

Toy Story 2... or The Dark Knight??

2008-10-08T00:36:00.000+13:00

2008-10-06T04:12:00.001+13:00

I WANT MY LIFE BACK

Proud American

2008-10-02T21:07:00.000+13:00

Guys, this is SOOOOOO funny, I have to share it with everyone!!!

Here's a trailer of an IMAX film, Proud American.

In case you're wondering, no this is not a joke, it's a real movie!

Guess how did it perform in the box office?

Open in 750 cinemas, its total gross is $96,076, or $128 per venue — one of the worst for any wide release in the US!

Mother & Daughter

2008-09-19T01:19:00.001+12:00

Gwyneth Paltrow and Blythe Danner. Mother & daughter.

Beautiful picture. Beautiful women.

My Watch Stopped

2008-09-12T08:41:00.001+12:00

My watch stopped. At Sept 11, 2008. The hands point to 6:05:21 (pm presumably). For the first time since I bought it years ago.

The Point of No Return

2008-09-09T06:29:00.002+12:00

The latest turn of events in Malaysian politics is disturbing, to say the least.

Source: Malaysiakini

Don’t be like American Jews, Chinese told

Penang Umno leader Ahmad Ismail, the man at the centre of the ‘racial slur’ controversy, warned Chinese Malaysians not to mimic American Jews who not only seek to control the country’s economy but also its political power.

MCPX

In an explosive 50-minute press conference, Ahmad who claimed time and again that he was not a racist, vowed that he would not apologise for his remarks which sparked the controversy.

“While it is not difficult to say sorry - for the sake of my Malay dignity, I resolve not to apologise no matter what others may say. I am willing to take the risk (for not doing so),” he said in a 14-page statement.

The press conference, which was held at the Penang Umno headquarters this afternoon, ended with shouts of ‘Hidup Melayu’ from about 50 local party leaders who were there.

Soon after the event, former Penang Umno committee member Zainol Abidin Hashim, with the help from his colleagues pulled down the photo of Gerakan acting president Dr Koh Tsu Koon which adorned one of the walls in the party headquarters.

Koh’s picture frame, which sat next to the photos of the Penang governor and his wife, was subsequently smashed.

As the glass broke into pieces, Zainol removed Koh’s photo from the frame and tore it into half.

Koh, who is former Penang chief minister, has been trading barbs with Ahmad, the Bukit Bendera Umno division chief, over the issue.

In a hastily-organised press conference at 10.30pm, Koh announced that Penang Gerakan had decided to cut all ties with its counterpart effective immediately.

He said that he was disappointed in the “rude behaviour” of Umno leaders at their press conference.

Earlier, Ahmad told the minority Chinese not to go overboard in hurting the feelings of the Malays and Muslims.

“I want them to know, I want them to take this as a warning from the Malays. Malays and Muslims have been provoked many times. We have been patient because we want to maintain stability in the country,” he said.

“Remember! The patience of Malays and Muslims has its limits. Do not push us to the wall, where we will be forced to reject the Chinese for the sake of our survival.

“If what I say sounds too strong for BN, take this as a warning from the Malays and Muslims as this has nothing to do with Umno. Do not pressure Umno leaders until they are caught in a dilemma.”

He then sounded a dire warning to Koh and Gerakan.

“I want Koh Tsu Koon and Gerakan to take responsibility for whatever untoward incidents that could happen in this country of ours.”

Ahmad also called upon BN leaders to “kick Gerakan out” from the ruling coalition.

The Bukit Bendera Umno chief said that he was asked by Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi to hold “another press conference”.

Ahmad previously held a press conference last Friday in which he reiterated that he would not apologise for his remarks.

Abdullah (photo, right), who had earlier told the powerful local Umno leader to do so, was silent on the issue the next day when he met with Penang Umno leaders, including Ahmad.

Ahmad, who was backed by all 13 Umno divisions in Penang - Abdullah’s home state - thanked the prime minister for his “understanding”.

The controversy erupted after Ahmad had allegedly said that the “Chinese were immigrants squatting in this country” at a ceramah during the recent Permatang Pauh by-election campaign.

The speech caused Ahmad to come under heavy fire from Chinese-based political parties, particularly from Umno’s allies MCA and Gerakan over the past two weeks. A spate of police reports were also lodged against the Umno division leader.

Ahmad nevertheless argued that his remark was taken out of context by Chinese-language Sin Chew Daily as he was referring to historical events.

At the press conference, Ahmad also urged the different states to hold a gathering of the whole ummah (Muslim community).

“Let us not let it go to waste as the flames of anger among Malays and Muslims has reached new heights. Let us take embrace this anger and come together as Malays and Muslims throughout the land so that we can turn the voices of the Malays into one that will unite all Malays and Muslims into one single movement.”

In an immediate reaction, both Abdullah and Deputy Prime Minister Najib Razak are expected to meet Ahmad tomorrow. It is believed that action could be taken against the Umno leader.

This is clearly getting out of hand. Ahmad Ismail should not have turn a personal issue into a vendetta across racial lines. It is obvious he is trying to incite racial tension ala May 13 style, and I do hope that Malaysians are wise enough now not to fall for it. Otherwise, there will be no home for me to return to this coming November...

Coming of the Day of Reckoning

2008-09-08T19:35:00.003+12:00

A dramatic "last article" from Raja Petra, before his imminent detention under the ISA:

Is Anwar Unstoppable?

I pretty much agree with him about Anwar's status. Either he'll be victorious, or he'll crash and burn.

September 16, 2008 seems like forever...

2008-09-04T23:44:00.009+12:00

News from home...

Condo residents in a bind
(NST September 4, 2008)

ILLEGAL food peddlers hawking on pedestrian walkways, road kerbs and public parking bays in front of the Vista Komanwel B Condo-minium at Bukit Jalil National Stadium are making life miserable for the residents living there.

The hawkers, who hail from different parts of the city, have chosen the spot because of the lucrative business in the area.

The area in front of the condominium, which is located opposite the International Medical University (IMU), has become a sort of food paradise for students from the university.

According to residents interviewed by the StarMetro, stalls have sprung up like mushrooms along pedestrian walkways and road kerbs and they operate in the mornings and evenings.
“All these are happening along a busy four-lane road, which has been reduced to two lanes by illegal hawkers and customers who double park to buy food from them,’’ said Vista Komanwel resident Michelle Tan.

“Pedestrians are forced to walk on the road, thus exposing themselves to danger from incoming traffic. It is also unhygienic and with neither proper toilets nor fresh water facilities,’’ said Tan, adding that waste is just thrown down the drain.

Residents are worried that apart from mosquitoes, rats would soon be making an appearance in their once serene neighbourhood.

The Joint Management Committee of the Vista Komanwel B had on numerous occasions written to DBKL to complain about the illegal hawking going on in the area but apart from sending some enforcement staff to check out the situation, nothing was done to solve the problem.
“Our quality of life has dropped. The situation has caused us all much distress. Apart from the hygiene and smoke emission from the open cooking, the value of our properties have depreciated,’’ said resident Jason Ong.

When StarMetro visited the area recently, many mobile stalls were visible in the area. One particular stall had placed at least 30 tables and chairs right on top of pedestrian walkways.

The stall operates from noon until midnight every day except Sundays. What’s interesting is the fact that the stall operator has even erected a makeshift toilet built over a metal grille covering of a drain.

At other spots, stall operators have placed their food containers and utensils on planter boxes, damaging the plants.

One stall owner even upgraded his ‘service’ by carpeting a stretch of the pedestrian walkway!

“It is not fair that as ratepayers we are denied the right to live in a clean and tranquil manner,” Ong said, adding that something must be done about the matter.

It's amusing to see how after so much changes has happened to my old campus, something always remains the same. >=)

Between Envy and Fear

2008-08-12T01:54:00.001+12:00

Written by Martin Khor
Published in the News Straits Time, 11th of August 2008

The Olympic Games has had a spectacular launch. The thrills and spills of the next fortnight are mixed with complex feelings, especially in the West, about the rise of the host country.

FOR the next fortnight, the Olympic Games will dominate not only the news but also the television and Internet attention of hundreds of millions around the world.

The “greatest show on earth” was launched in Beijing last Friday, and the spectacular opening ceremony is still being talked about by many.

It was shrewd of the Chinese authorities to get the country’s top film director to plan the extravaganza, which became an impressive showcase of the country’s history and present development.

While this opening and the new magnificent sports buildings, especially the “Bird’s Nest” stadium, won the acclaim of many, not least the reportedly billions of people who watched the show on TV, the whole Olympics being held in China also attracted sharp criticism, notably from the Western press.

The Times (London) said the Olympics was a subtle agenda for a dictatorship to overcome its crisis of legitimacy. It added that the US$40bil (RM132bil) propaganda coup is paid for by the masses the politicians are seeking to keep in check who have no choice but to cough up.

“No democratic government at China’s stage of economic development would have had the will or the gall for such extravagance,” said the Times.

The claim of the paper is that the Chinese people, if only they could freely voice their feelings, are angry about how their money is being wasted on the Olympics.

Yet the paper contradicts itself by stating that the Olympics is used as propaganda by the government to win political legitimacy. In other words, the extravagant show makes it popular with the masses.

The reality, as affirmed in many a report, is that the Olympics has been largely welcomed by the people in China, who are filled with pride at another “coming of age” of their country on the world stage.

Whether the vast amount of money and human resources that have gone into the Olympics could have been better spent is of course a legitimate subject of debate as it always has been when any large games – be it the Olympics or the World Cup, or the Commonwealth Games or Asian Games – is held, especially in a developing country, where there are competing uses of resources, such as building homes and schools for the poor.

However, China currently arouses especially strong feelings among the governments and people in the Western world.

This is usually dressed in the garb of caring for the human rights of the poor Chinese people, who are often portrayed as being victimised for the country’s development and the supposed personal glory of the political leaders.

But it is hard to deny the other view, that the development in the past 60 years of the highest-populated country has eradicated more poverty than elsewhere.

And whatever we think of the social unevenness and the environmental degradation accompanying the prolific economic growth of the past 10 to 20 years, it has also contributed to realising the economic and social rights of many hundreds of millions of ordinary Chinese.

And that in itself – transforming the image and reality of China from being populated with starving and malnourished people into a thriving developing country – has also contributed to the realisation of economic and social rights of humanity, given the gigantic size of its population.

Much more of course can be done to promote civic and political rights and freedoms, to cater to the legitimate interests and rights of minorities, to resolve the problems in Tibet, and so many other issues.

The urgent need to resolve these kinds of problems can be said of many other countries, too, including in the developed world.

Awe and mutual cooperation, rather then envy and anger, characterise Asean’s view of China.

African countries have recently viewed China as an additional and welcome source of finance and investment.

Though there may be some worry about over-dependence on China, there is more goodwill than fear because China is a major and growing market for the continent’s commodity exports, and its finance comes without the onerous (and often erroneous) conditions that accompany Western and International Monetary Fund financing.

The criticisms against China come mainly from the West. One can’t help but feel that the real source of this is envy and fear. Envy at the 10% plus growth rates, the huge trade surpluses and the gigantic foreign reserves, a bit of which has been used to buy equity in Western companies.

Fear that the balance of world power is shifting to Asia, especially to China, and Western hegemony, including of its culture and civilisation, is significantly slipping.

In fact, China has made itself vulnerable by holding so much of its foreign reserves, which are approaching US$2tril (RM6.6tril) in US Treasury bills.

If the US dollar depreciates significantly, China stands to lose many billions (even hundreds of billions) of dollars in terms of its capacity to import from (or buy assets) in other countries.

The growing dependence of the United States on China, its large trade deficit, and the shifting of US companies’ operations to China, makes this country a source of fear, especially of American workers losing their jobs.

Firstly, this is the reason for the growing protectionist sentiments in America, and secondly it may be an underlying factor for the expression of contempt for the political structures in China.

We can expect to see more of these complex feelings, mixed up with the thrills and spills of the sporting events, throughout the rest of the Beijing Olympic Games.

Protest in Malaysia

2008-08-09T16:03:00.003+12:00

If you held a protest without a permit against the government to demand for a fair election, the police arrests you.

If you held a protest without a permit against the Bar Council helding an open forum on 'Conversion to Islam', the police cuts short the forum.

...WTF?!?!

My Birthday Gift to All!

2008-08-03T14:10:00.004+12:00

My birthday gift to any readers out there: How to fold a T-shirt in 2 seconds!

How To Fold A T-Shirt In 2 Seconds

For those who can't quite catch it, here's a proper how to.

How To Fold A T-Shirt In 2 Seconds - Explained

Hope you find it as useful as I do! ;)

Obsolete Techs

2008-08-02T23:08:00.001+12:00

It's hard to come by articles that are both amusing AND educational. But here's one!

Tech Zombies: 6 Technologies That Don't Know They're Dead

Enjoy! ;)

2008-07-29T23:33:00.001+12:00

no no i can't allow this to repeat again in another run i have to move on grow up already thom time and tide waits for no one what done is done take action now get it done final 2 weeks then u'll have a break things can still be salvaged if you act now so act now now now WAKE UP

Fail

2008-07-10T20:50:00.003+12:00

I didn't make it.

Surprisingly it wasn't as devastating as I thought it'll be.

I'm given a second chance, and I'm confident I'll do alright then.

Time to wake up to reality Thom.

The clock is ticking.

Earn it.

High Anxiety

2008-07-04T13:53:00.003+12:00

I couldn't bear to hear the truth. My ego will be in shatters if I didn't make it. But neither can I persist in this state of limbo before the truth finally boils out.

I've got to make the call. But I dare not.

God help me.

Monkey Business

2008-06-30T19:39:00.006+12:00

Anwar increasingly reminded me of Senator Palpatine/Darth Sidious, and UMNO, the corrupted Old Republic.

The whole sodomy/BN mole episode just sounds fishy to me. How the hell did the PKR get the photographic 'evidence' connecting the 'mole' to big BN figures so fast? It almost seems to be meticulously planned and executed. Not unlike the SAPP's vote of no confidence hullaballo. Anwars was then again, a major player in the issue, but is completely invisible. And even after all these uproars, he has yet to show his face and give his statements in person.

Anwar is a shadowy figure indeed.

Defy

2008-06-30T18:56:00.002+12:00

I am unhappy. I am frustrated. Everything around me looks bleak.

But I refuse to feel helpless.

I will be defiant till the very end.

...

But what am I defiant against, exactly?!

Australia - Fattest in the World?

2008-06-30T01:30:00.002+12:00

Apparently, Australia has overtaken the US as the fattest nation in the world! My oh my...

Australia now world's fattest nation

Opinions

2008-06-24T02:19:00.002+12:00

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks."

Ah, such words of wisdom!

My Mad Cow

2008-06-23T15:12:00.001+12:00

Like Denny Crane, I have found my Mad Cow.

It's seasonal affective disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

Memento Mori

2008-06-22T21:18:00.001+12:00

remember you are mortal

remember you will die

doublethink

2008-06-22T02:40:00.004+12:00

I have just recently realize that I'm guilty of doublethink, to borrow the terminology used by George Orwell in 1984 (the acceptance of mutually contradictory beliefs):

Cherishing life while anticipating death; you never know when the drunk driver would choose to run you over or the loose brick from the apartment roof will fall onto your head while you're strolling down the street on your way to the superette.

Seize the day, don't let the days of your life pass you by! For life is ultimately pointless & meaningless.

I put my faith in a God who is dead (as far as his influence in our current world is concerned), and still fight to hold my ground against despair.

How much longer can I last, I wonder. Already I'm feeling the strain, trying to reconciliate these impossibilities.

"Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!" -Isaiah 22:13

Economically Colonized

2008-06-18T11:28:00.002+12:00

It is tragic that even until this day, the fate of developing country are still strongly affected by the West. Even when we're no longer colonized in a politically sense, economically we might as well be one.

Fate of our seafood to be known tomorrow
By : Hamidah Atan (NST 17/6/08)

PUTRAJAYA: The European Union steering committee will decide tomorrow whether to go ahead with its plan to ban the import of Malaysian seafood.

Health Minister Datuk Liow Tiong Lai said officers from his ministry and the Agriculture and Agro-based Industry Ministry had presented the country's case to the committee in Brussels.

The fishery industry risks losing RM1.5 billion a year if the EU bans the import of Malaysian seafood.

"We have never faced this problem before. Five countries within the EU are also appealing on our behalf against the ban," he said without disclosing the countries.

Among the conditions set by the EU were that fishing vessels must be equipped with proper refrigerated boxes, clean basins, pots and sanitation system.

"To them, there is no such thing as open air lorries transporting live fish or other seafood. Everything must follow their standards.

"If we want to export to Europe, we have no options but to follow their standards. We, however, need time to fulfil the conditions."

Liow said this after accepting six ambulances worth RM707,000 from the Faber Group.

The ambulances would be used by government hospitals and health clinics.

Faber Group managing director Adnan Mohammad said the company would assist the government in improving the people's quality of life.

Liow said the government would purchase an additional 100 ambulances, costing about RM3.8 million, to complement the current fleet of 1,343 at hospitals and clinics.

He said more allocations were needed to improve the country's healthcare services.

The End

2008-05-16T19:04:00.003+12:00

7.05pm (On my watch, New Zealand time), 16th of May 2008 . Man Keat's room in unit 8B of Mount Terrace Apartment, Auckland. When & where I finally finished the Harry Potter series. After almost 3 weeks of mad rush (started when my selective is finished) with books 4, 5, 6 & 7.

It has been a satisfying read, but I wouldn't call it great, at least not yet. But sit down and write a proper review of the entire series one day, but right now, I'm having double visions lol.

Finishing Deathly Hallows in less than 48 hours might actually destroy my perfect eyesight permanently lol.

Can't believe it's been so long since Book 7 was out!

And now, for a short nap!

Loan Approved

2008-05-16T09:51:00.001+12:00

I got my JPA scholarship loan approved for RM 250,000! Yay~

Glad to be finally responsible for my own education expenses. Hope this will decrease my parents' financial burden, they've just been thru a hell lot of work-related stress & anxiety.

Now what needs to be done is to pass the rest of my course, no second chances.

Release

2008-05-08T04:28:00.002+12:00

It's finally out!

Oh such sweet, glorious release!

And all's perfect and well!

A sign of more to come, perhaps?

=D

Rejoice!

To Paradise and Back

2008-05-07T05:57:00.001+12:00

Redang '08 (2/5 - 4/5/2008) @ Laguna
Pics

Back to paradise.

Back on Track

2008-05-07T03:08:00.002+12:00

The pieces are falling back into place - and somehow it seems like a terrifying thing. Never have I thought getting back on track can be so nerve-wrecking. I know now the obstacles, and I know now the ways to handle them. All I need now is the will to carry them out.

Apathy is but a choice.

Monologue

2008-04-27T03:58:00.004+12:00

I've worked too hard for you to dismiss it like that.

But admit it, you do suck if no one can see your effort.

Of all people who dare to make that comment, it's always the unworthy ones who pass the judgement on something totally beyond their comprehension.

Think about it, the fact that you think the way you do betrayed yourself. You are as bad as you claimed they are.

I will be what I want to be, and I don't care all the bullshit they hurl to me.

If that is true you wouldn't have been so bothered by them as to write up this post.

Oh shut up.

. . . . . .

Updates from Home

2008-04-17T23:00:00.002+12:00

3 weeks of selectives back home has been kind to me. I finally realize being with your family ain't that bad after all. Sure sometimes all the family politics and dramas repulse me, but I never expected to enjoy the company so much. Makes me having 2nd thoughts about settling down in NZ and all after I've graduated. Well, home is home, no matter how promising working in a developed country may seem.

During these time of reflection (I have plenty of time to spare now, and the time I don't spend with my family, I spent in self reflection), I realize I still love medicine, in fact, more than ever, now that things are starting to piece together and make sense. It's more of matter of lack of time to pursue my other interests. Unfortunately I'm not as single-mindedly devoted to medicine as some others, and I've always value my freedom to do the things I like. But now that the main culprit has been identified, what I need to do now is to get some time management issue sorted out.

The clubhouse for Setia Eco has finally open to the residents on the 15th of April. After months of delay. I was the first person to utilize the facilities there (gym, swimming pool and spa), and I will be visiting there everyday from now on till the day I fly back to NZ. Time to shed some fat. For good. >=)

3 Stages of Burnout

2008-03-28T20:12:00.002+13:00

Stage 1. Stress Arousal
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Persistent irritability
2. Persistent anxiety
3. Periods of high blood pressure
4. Bruxism (grinding your teeth at night)
5. Insomnia
6. Forgetfulness
7. Heart palpitations
8. Inability to concentrate
9. Headaches
10. Gastrointestinal problems

The stress arousal stage includes persistent irritability, persistent anxiety, periods of high blood pressure, bruxism (the grinding of teeth during sleep), insomnia, and forgetfulness.

Additionally, you may have heart palpitations, unusual heart arrythymia, concentration problems, and headaches/stomach problems.

With the presence of any two of these, you may be experiencing stage 1 stress arousal.

Stage 2. Energy Conservation
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Tardiness
2. Procrastination
3. Decreased sexual desire
4. Persistent fatigue
5. Turning work in late
6. Social withdrawal (from friends and/or family)
7. Cynical attitudes
8. Resentfulness
9. Increased stimulant consumption (caffeine, nicotine, ephedrine, etc.)
10. Increased alcohol consumption
11. Misuse of prescription and non-prescription drugs
12. Apathy
13. Loss or lack of spirituality

The energy conservation stage might include excessive lateness, procrastination, excessive time off, decreased desire for sex, persistent tiredness, turning work in late, social withdrawal from friends and family, increased cynicism, resentment, increased stimulant consumption, increased alcohol consumption, misuse of prescription and non-prescription drugs, apathy, and loss or lack of spirituality.

Again, any two of these symptoms may signal you’re in stage 2 of the burnout cycle.

Stage 3. Exhaustion
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Chronic sadness or depression
2. Chronic stomach or bowel problems
3. Chronic mental fatigue
4. Chronic physical fatigue
5. Chronic headaches
6. The desire to “escape” from friends, family and perhaps even school
7. Perhaps the desire to commit suicide

The exhaustion stage is where most people finally get a sense that something may be wrong. The symptoms include: chronic sadness or depression, chronic stomach or bowel problems, chronic mental fatigue, chronic physical fatigue, chronic headaches or migraines, the desire to “drop out” or “escape” from society. Like the previous stages any two of these symptoms can indicate stage 3 burnout.

Remember, burnout is a process that usually occurs sequentially, it progresses through stages, thus giving you the opportunity to recognize symptoms and take the necessary steps to prevent it. If you see yourself in stage 3, it is time to get help. Meeting the criteria for stage 3 is your signal and you need to seek assistance: your stress level is beyond your control.

Currently I'm having 5 of Stage 1 symptoms, 10 of Stage 2 symptoms, and 5 of Stage 3 symptoms. What to do, what to do...

Whinges from the Underground

2008-03-25T02:28:00.003+13:00

It's sad when you really feel like updating your blog when it suddenly dawned on you that you have nothing interesting to write about regarding your life for the past couple of months. My life outside Medicine just ceased to exist. That would have been fascinating if it's not so depressing.

Then again, that's not quite true. Finally got to read a novel from beginning to end within a week, which is mostly due to the fact that I have a long 4-days Easter break. The book was The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. While the novel wasn't spectacular, it was quite a memorable read, with themes of betrayal, courage and redemption. As I've recently developed an interest in foreign culture that I'm totally ignorant about, I find viewing the world through an Afghan character intriguing. That said, I still find the author too optimistic about the States, probably because he is now an American I guess.

It's until I've finished reading The Kite Runner that I realize that I've forgotten the joys of reading. While I can't exactly say that I don't have the time to read novels since clinical phase started, I just find it hard to continuously reading a novel without long periods of interruptions. Studying Medicine is just too distracting for you to actually focusing in anything else. So far I've neglected my exercises, meals, sleep and hobbies. Whenever I find myself overwhelmed with boredom or disinterest in Medicine, I lose myself in hours of computer games, which makes hours disappear like seconds (damn you Oblivion!).

I seriously need to end this disengagement to my own life. I need to feel in control again. While I feel that I'm coping better this year, I'm still not completely there yet. I need to get my priorities right. I need to manage my time more wisely. I need to fuel my passion in life again.

But this is doubly hard as I could hardly find any other like-minded people around me. I constantly feel like I'm suffocated by the endless herd of buffoons, drunkards & sluts all around me. Are there really no kindred with a soul here? Or am I just too uptight?

Godfather in 1 Minute

2008-03-16T01:52:00.001+13:00

An amazingly amusing and appropriate summary of the Godfather, all in 1 minute! Ok, maybe 2. XD

I hate thinking of a title

2008-03-16T01:02:00.003+13:00

When encountering a culture shock, many of us tend to recoil from our surroundings and built a cocoon of familiarity and comfort among our fellow expats. We build up walls, and threw rocks at others from our comfort zone, calling people racist or anti-Malaysian and such. A normal, acceptable reaction, I guess.

But I didn't. The more I experience this cultural alienation, the more I reflect on how I myself have been practicing this very form of discrimination towards the Others subconsciously. Although I didn't go as far as to purposely persecute or scoff at people who doesn't share a similar cultural background as mine, I do identify a gross deficit in my empathy towards these people. It's sad how you never realize you have mistreated others until you find yourself slighted.

While I was never the subject of racial discrimination, I have felt the perception as the Other often during my runs from my superiors. But I've accepted it as a perfectly reasonable human behaviour now, for I can't deny that I am the Other in relative to the local kiwis. I just hope my knowledge and proficiency is enough to sustain me thru med school without me having to constantly prove my worth thru excessive vocalization of my 'enthusiasm'.

Malaysia's former leader calls on prime minister to step down after election fiasco

2008-03-10T01:06:00.004+13:00

(International Herald Tribune (Asia-Pacific) March 9, 2008)

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia: Malaysia's former leader Mahathir Mohamad on Sunday urged his successor to resign in the wake of stunning election losses, and apologized for hand-picking him in 2003 to lead the country.

Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's National Front lost its two-thirds majority in Parliament and five of 13 states to the opposition in Saturday's general elections — the coalition's worst setback in its 51-year rule since independence.

"I think he should accept responsibility for ... this massive defeat," Mahathir told reporters. "He needs to consider stepping down."

Mahathir, who resigned in 2003 after 22 years in power, choose Abdullah as his successor but turned against him Abdullah two years ago and has frequently accused him of corruption and nepotism. He has said in the past that Abdullah's deputy, Najib Razak, would have made a better prime minister.

"I'm sorry that I apparently made the wrong choice," he said. "My greatest concern is that the leader doesn't understand the situation." He said Abdullah and others in the coalition "have become so arrogant."

Earlier Sunday, Abdullah dismissed suggestions that he would now face pressure from party members to step down.

"I don't know who would pressure me. There is nothing at this time," he said.

Mahathir cited voters' frustrations over price hikes and alleged nepotism as the main reason for the poor election showing, which gave the National Front 139 parliamentary seats and the opposition alliance 82 seats with one still to be decided. Previously, the opposition held only 19 seats.

He said successive high economic growth has not trickled down to ordinary Malaysians, who were now suffering from the rising cost of living.

"And then, of course, they've observed that this government is run by one family," he said, accusing Abdullah of favoring his son-in-law, Khairy Jamaluddin, a National Front member.

Malaysians also were upset over the rise in crime and seething ethnic and religious tensions. Some 60 percent of the country's 27 million people are Muslim Malays, while a quarter are ethnic Chinese and 8 percent ethnic Indians.

Discontent over policies that favor Malays in education, business and job opportunities led some 20,000 Indians to protest last November in a rare show of anger. They also complained their Hindu temples were unjustly demolished.

But critics say many of the problems facing the country, including racial tensions, inflation and judicial corruption, have their roots in Mahathir's rule

"Twenty-two years of Mahathir's maladministration and dismantling of democracy and weakening of institutions came to fruition in the last four years," said Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, a political commentator.

Winds of Change

2008-03-09T18:11:00.002+13:00

Barisan Nasional suffered its greatest defeat in history. Many people cheered over that fact. I find it quite silly and naive really. True I would like to see the opposition gaining more positions in the new government, but I am truly concerned about the opposition's burden to fulfill their pledge now that they have won so many seats all of a sudden. There's much to learn, and little time to get things done to prove their worth.

This may be the winds of change in Malaysian history... or it may be a minor setback for BN until the next election if the opposition can't hold things together. Only time will tell. I'll definitely have a close watch over the Malaysian political scene for the coming months.

2008-03-01T03:21:00.001+13:00

He's out of my hands.

You bastards better make sure you take good care of him, or I will never forgive you all.

Alienated

2008-02-20T01:44:00.002+13:00

You would have thought that by sharing a common language, one wouldn't have too much problem with communications and having the "human connection" in a foreign country...

But I'm wrong at that.

Eventhough I've arrive in NZ for a year, I still often feel like the protagonist in Sofia Coppola's Lost in Translation. Feeling alienated, lonely, longed for companionship, yet unable to attain it. It's not like I don't know the easy solution to this dilemma. I could choose to either embrace this foreign culture, or hide myself with my expatriate friends. But I chose to reject both alternatives and accept alienation, for reasons I can't comprehend.

Why is authenticity worth such unhappiness?

First, Do No Harm

2008-02-14T18:14:00.004+13:00

Valentine's Day 2008. The day that I will hereafter remember as the day I've failed to uphold the first principle in medicine: primum non nocere. To those unfamiliar with the term, it's a Latin phrase meaning "First, do no harm".

While examining a patient's ear with the otoscope (in a rather awkward position), I accidentally turned the handle much too quickly, causing the patient to exclaim in pain and jerked her head to the side. I was as shocked as she was then, as I was very certain that I have not introduced the otoscope too deep into her ear as to hit her eardrum. The doctor, slightly alarmed, proceed to take over the examination from me. I apologized profusely to the patient, and she told me it's alright and all.

After the patient left the clinic, the doctor told me that I've caused 2 small lacerations on her ear canal, one probably from turning the handle too much, while the other was probably caused by her sudden jerking movement. He later corrected me (gently and sternly) about the mistakes I should learn from this. I was burning with guilt and shame then for the rest of the day, hoping that the wounds will recover well, and wondering what permanent effect have I caused from this accident... The patient will probably don't want any med students to examine her for the rest of her life...

My pride is bruised from this incident, and I still feel the burden of guilt and shame as I'm typing this. This will be a day I'll never forget. Valentine's Day 2008.

Primum non nocere.

GP

2008-02-10T02:19:00.000+13:00

Still feels a bit weary of life, but at least I'm coping now. When I saw the juniors so full of life and joy, I can't help but feel pity for them. Things gonna change real soon. Really hope they enjoy these last moments of blissfulness, before the whole world starts collapsing on them.

Starting off with 2 weeks of General Practice is OK so far, although the leisurely pace is really testing my patience. Most patients visit the clinic to get their 3-monthly prescription repeats, and I have yet to seen any acute cases after being in the clinic for 3 full days. But it's great to finally get my first observation of a cervical smear, and it's surprising how similar the procedure is to the models we practice on, and yet more difficult in a way (esp when you're trying to locate the cervix).

Quite happy that I'm finally familiar with the opthalmoscope, though I have yet to practice on a dilated pupil. At least I get to learn something. Let's hope things will get more productive next week.

Another Casualty Along the Road

2008-02-01T20:08:00.000+13:00

You lied.
You did not make it.
I wonder why
(the fact you lie).

Yet another casualty along the road.
A comrade on hold.

How many miles left to go?

Unit 8B Online!

2008-01-30T19:13:00.000+13:00

Moved in to my new accommodation smoothly last week, and finally got broadband installed at our place. Will upload some pics of our beloved new home (for the year) in awhile.

No New Year Resolutions for Thomas!

2008-01-17T07:04:00.001+13:00

It's funny how most people who make new year resolutions are the very ones who neglect to fulfill them. From my own experience in the past, I identify myself as one such person, so I'm adamant that I won't make any empty promises to myself this year just to create an illusion that I'm heading somewhere.

Having said that, 2008 has started off pretty well for me. I'm gaining back my old enthusiasm in (good) music, especially since my discovery of Arcade Fire & Spoon at the beginning of the year. A friend of mine expressed his surprise in my venturing into the indie music scene, although I still don't get what 'indie music' sounds like (besides being unconventional of cuz). I have no idea where my music taste will eventually lead me too, but right now, I'm loving the fresh music I've discovered.

I've thought about my choice of studying medicine and all throughout the holidays, and I've decided that it's med school that I truly hate, while I'm still very enthusiastic of my future career as a doctor. So I guess I'll just have to toughen up and stomach thru another 2 years of horror & suffering. I sincerely believe that all the efforts and perseverence will be worth it, in the end of the day.

And I can't help but wondering, how many ppl still read my blog these days. Hah, I can hardly blame anyone but myself in this matter really, as I hardly made any initiatives to update myself with my peers' life. I admit I'm becoming increasingly self-obsessed for the past couple of years, trying to cope with the aftermath of the rejection of my... nvm, that's something that I should only post in the other blog of mine lol.

But I'd appreciate it if faithful visitors to my blog could juz tag something on the tagboard, pleeeease. It's heartbreaking to see no updates on the tagboard after a couple of months (besides the awful spam), and even Thomas get bored of talking to himself once in awhile. You can use whatever pretty nicks u want while you tag, so long as I know that at least, some sentient being is aware that I have posted something lol.

I guess this will be my last post till I fly to Auckland on Friday. Well I'll update more when I'm there then! Quite looking forward to my new accommodation! =)

Survivalism?

2008-01-12T02:12:00.000+13:00

The modern man is plagued with complacency. Just think about it. We are so used to be dependent on others for our survival. Imagine one day when banks go bankrupt, food supply runs low, houses destroyed by natural disasters. Only when you're thrown into this unpredictable mess of a situation, will you realize how incompetent you are in basic survival. Or at least, I know I can't.

I think it's time I learn some basic survival skill. I have absolutely no idea where to start, but I should start soon. No I don't have delusions about the collapse of society and the end of the world as we know it, I just refuse to be blissful in my complacency.

2008

2008-01-01T08:09:00.000+13:00

For the past few months, even at my happiest times, there's an ever-present gloom that constantly weighed me down. And I've come to realize that a part of me has died forever back in 2007. I've finally accepted the fact that med school will forever change me now, without feeling bitter and angry.

It's time to move on from here, and salvage what's left of me. Happy new year Thom. Here's to another year of understanding upon reflection, and anticipation of another year of the unknown, a year yet to be lived.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward."
-- Soren Kierkegaard

Go Figure

2007-12-28T03:33:00.000+13:00

My sister just got her PMR results today. 7A, and 1B for BM. My mum is furious. Yes, go figure. My distaste for Malaysia's education system is only matched by my disgust over parents' obsession toward the numbers of 'A's their children can grab.

Home

2007-12-13T07:14:00.000+13:00

I'm back at my home now. Strange how everything remains so unchanged and familiar... It's as if I've just left this country for a month or so (instead of almost a year). Yet at the same time, I seemed to be a lack a sense of attachment and fondness to my surroundings. It's an awful paradox, remembering things that still stay as they were, yet at the same time you're totally detached from it.

Am I still sane, I wonder...

I'm Going Home

2007-12-12T08:55:00.000+13:00

Flying back in about 5 hours time. Long journey ahead!

Memories of Piha Beach

2007-12-11T15:18:00.001+13:00

Imagine...

2007-12-08T22:11:00.000+13:00

Imagine...

You're in a plane, flying back to your home country. You have spent the last 11 months, studying in a foreign country, going into a transition from theoretical knowledge to clinical practice. You went thru a course with an entirely different assessment standards and expectations, which emphasize enthusiasm & participation more than knowledge. You struggled to maintain a balance in excelling in your hospital runs, assignments/case reports, & exams. You persevered thru all of these with diligence, far away from the support of your family back home...

And when you have landed at the airport back home, got your luggage, and reach the arrival gate, you push your trolley to the direction of your family you've just spotted from afar... feeling ashamed that you have failed your year, imagining the disappointment your family must have felt about you, trying not to think about the RM 100,000+ tuition fees that have went down the drain. Your confidence squashed, you feel worthless, and you start to doubt whether studying medicine was the right choice.

But you couldn't turn back now. It's 4 years down the road, and your parents have invested a fortune to bring you to where you are now. You have to push on, try again next year, repeating another stressful and tiring year, all over again. But this time, your friends have move on to another year above you. You still meet up with them and all of course, but you can no longer enjoyed the shared experience of overcoming the obstacles together.

Although I did pass my 4th year, I can't help but feel sad for those among us who did not make it. We've all work hard, and it's painful to see people not getting the reward for their diligence. But we have to move on. I have to move on.

For a career that demands us to be compassionate and empathetic to our patients, it's ironic (if not hypocritic) how much Medicine dehumanize us all (medical students).

The Call That Never Came

2007-12-07T17:07:00.000+13:00

No calls were made from the university to me today = I've passed my 4th year. It's a relief really, but mixed feelings remain as not all of us made it through. Just want to say that I'm thankful to God that I've survive this hell of a year, and... well, no words can convey my sadness to those who didn't make it.

As I've said before, I knew not all of us will make it through this year. As selfish as this may sound, I'm just thankful that it wasn't me.

I will update more about the events leading to this final confirmation later... maybe tomorrow. We'll see.

Cat Talk & Translation

2007-12-02T10:35:00.000+13:00

Recently a cat talk video was posted on youtube & by the time I posted this, it has a total of 4 million hits already.

While I was not too impressed with this video, I REALLY enjoyed the "translated" version of the video by someone else.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

It is done...

2007-11-30T11:50:00.000+13:00

...and I'm beginning to feel human again...

2007-11-27T17:45:00.000+13:00

i'm disappointed at how i haven't suffer a mental breakdown under all these stress

Stats show...

2007-11-26T23:13:00.000+13:00

It was never an issue whether all of us will made it thru 4th year or not. We all know that statistically (based on past performances by IMU students) that some of us will fail, like it or not.

I just hope that it isn't me...

Paper A - Thumbs down

2007-11-24T12:48:00.000+13:00

The 1st paper went horribly. Horrible as in, I need a miracle now to pass my 4th year paper.

I might have sound overdramatic, considering how my peers came out of the exam hall, cheerful & smiling. Having blank-outs in the midst of the exam is truly an unpleasent feeling. Feel choked with despair halfway thru the exam, unable to answer parts of all the questions asked.

But I can't afford to grieve over my miserable performance in the 1st paper now. Paper B is awaiting in 3 days time. Eat, rest, and forward I go with my studies again.

I won't have mind failing if it doesn't cost me an extra RM 100,000 repeating for another year... So much effort wasted at the wrong end...

2007-11-23T22:16:00.001+13:00

Too much too broad too detailed to remember God Medicine is an inhuman subject

Radiohead Cover

2007-11-23T15:07:00.000+13:00

Radiohead covering The Smiths' The Headmaster Ritual. Great live performance that cheers me up in dark time like these.

2007-11-23T01:16:00.000+13:00

I WANT TO PASS

Resigned

2007-11-22T21:03:00.000+13:00

I am utterly resigned to my fate now. Neither depair nor hopeful over the outcome of the results. One can only take in so much before turning numb, totally unreceptive towards additional stress inputs.

Never knew there's such thing as a refractory period in chronic stress.

...Is this learned helplessness?

Lonely

2007-11-21T01:16:00.000+13:00

For the first time in 4 years, I'm starting to feel that I can't cope with Medicine.

Nothing feels worse than feeling lonely in the presence of your friends. You're wrong John Donne. Each man is an island, entire of itself. The bridges we built to one another merely creates the illusion that we're connected. In the end, each individual have to face their own uncertain future all by himself.

Trying to imagine how it must have felt for the few IMU ppl who failed 5th year, & I realized that I just can put myself in their shoes. Tried to imagine what happens if I fail my 4th year now, & all I see is just pitch black. I CANNOT fail this, I can't afford to, but I still might. Too much to remember for my pea brain.

Coming of the Finals

2007-11-12T11:49:00.000+13:00

In tough pre-finals time like this, it's God, a dear friend, Radiohead's music, and support from family and friends that keep me going. I would do well to remember them and be grateful after I have overcome this hurdle.

*One* *two* *three* *hold breath* and *dive in*.

Finals will be on the 24th and 28th of November 2007. I have MUCH to read up still.

What I want for Christmas

2007-11-08T12:22:00.000+13:00

What I want for Christmas:

Yes, although I'm a HUGE fan of Radiohead and have own several audio casettes of their albums, I have YET to own any CDs from them (except OK Computer, which somehow went missing...)

So ya, I'll be waiting... Those who are interested in sharing with me this wonderful gift, please click here. (LOL)

White Coat, Mood Indigo

2007-11-07T20:50:00.000+13:00

Glad to know that I'm not alone in this:

White coat, mood indigo - Depression in medical school

The big question lies in whether should I seek psychiatric help for this, as I know the main reason I'm suffering from this doom and gloom is bcuz of the lack of sense of control in my own life in this hectic schedule for the entire year. As my 4th year is drawing to a close, I really need to take some time off and put everything into perspective. But as usual, time does not allow it.

I'm already feeling the effects of burn-out setting in. Just hope I can last till the finals (and pass it of course).

Currently reading

2007-10-31T17:30:00.000+13:00

The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order, by Samuel P. Huntington.

Fascinating read thus far. Totally change your perception on current trends in global politics. Whether you agree or disagree with the author, it is nevertheless a highly-recommended read to anyone.

Wikipedia entry on Clash of Civilizations

A Voice of Reason

2007-10-28T18:31:00.000+13:00

Wafa Sultan. Such passion. Such insight. Such courage. Such charisma. I've never been so moved by someone's conviction in my entire life. In 2 short videos, she managed to completely won me over.

My Worst Fear

2007-10-25T13:43:00.000+13:00

My Verdict

2007-10-12T00:21:00.000+13:00

After 5 listens of the entire album (4 by order, 1 shuffled), I have finally come to a verdict:

This may be the best Radiohead album yet!

I say 'may', because my initial reactions to each individual Radiohead albums have always been grossly different from my final opinion after months and years of listening to them. (While I like most albums by other artists early on and get tired of them eventually, Radiohead almost always causes the opposite. I hated it at first when I listen to the latest released album, then gradually warm up to their new creative direction, and ultimately embraced them as geniuses who's still at the top of their form, constantly exploring new sound and structure).

But this is a first Radiohead album which I consistently like every single songs in the first couple of listen. There is not a single weak track here, but a whole chain of multi-layered, painstakingly crafted songs. To say that I'm blown away is an understatement indeed!

My favourite Radiohead albums have been OK Computer 1st, Kid A 2nd, The Bends 3rd. And now in Rainbows threatened to knock all 3 down 1 spot! Yes I actually (may) liked this more than the legendary poll-topper OK Computer!

Radiohead Day

2007-10-11T18:22:00.000+13:00

Seems like I'm not the only one who's going gaga over Radiohead's IN RAINBOWS. The internet community is already calling 10/10/2007 (UK time) Radiohead Day. Music industry reacts with shock with the unusual release of the album: you pick the price! Experts and fans are all analysing the potential impact this move will evolutionize the music industry.

Take a look yourself:

- International Herald Tribune: Radiohead Day arrives as reaction floods in to the band's new download-only album release

- NPR: Radiohead's 'In Rainbows' Sets Its Own Terms

- Wired: Radiohead Hides Several Pots of Gold 'In Rainbows'

- Billboard: Thousands Start Day With Radiohead's 'In Rainbows'

-The Times Online: Music industry reaction to Radiohead's album

- Minnesota Public Radio: The day the music (industry) died?

- PC World: Big Acts Follow Radiohead's Lead: Let Their Music Go Free

- NME: Radiohead: a brief history

- Rolling Stone: Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood on “In Rainbows”: “It’s Fun to Make People Think About What Music is Worth”

- Telegraph: Oasis, Jamiroquai to follow Radiohead

Today... is a GREAT day...

iN rAINBOWS

2007-10-11T15:46:00.000+13:00

OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING I'M LISTENING TO RADIOHEAD'S LATEST ALBUM: IN RAINBOWS NOW THIS IS SO FREAKIN' UNBELIEVABLE IT'S SO SURREAL

HELP HELP I'M HYPERVENTILATING HELP HELP

OMG I'M DROWNING IN THE MUSIC NOW THIS IS ONE OF THE MILESTONE IN MY LIFE

NO NO NO WORDS CAN SUFFICIENTLY EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT NOW SO I'M JUST GONNA SHUT UP AND DROWN MYSELF IN THE MUSIC FOR THE NEXT 10 HOURS

BYE BYE BYE PEOPLE

Humility Where Art Thou

2007-10-09T21:18:00.001+13:00

The lack of humility among med students around me is appaling. And I'm not even talking about the kiwi students.

Thom Yorke/ Symmetry/ In Rainbows

2007-10-08T01:56:00.001+13:00

This is Thom Yorke, lead singer of Radiohead, my favourite band. That particular drooping left eye-lid he has is due to a surgical complication, when he has a paralysed left eye.

Wondering how he would look like if he never had that 'botched' surgery, I tried cutting the 'normal' half of his face and joined it with an identical flipped image. The results:

I'm fascinated with the results really. I remember some documentary discussing about how symmetrical face is usually judged to be beautiful/handsome by the crowd. Following that logic, I repeat the experiment with the other side of the face.

The results?

...

Here you go:

P.S. The official download for Radiohead's latest album, In Rainbows, will be out on the 10th of October. The price for the download? You decide! No really, you call the price! Have a look yourself!

Doctor's Handwriting

2007-09-29T08:48:00.000+12:00

Here is a sample of a doctor's handwriting:

So what do you think it says? Guess!!! No I insist!!!

......

It's 'reassessed'!!!! Lol.

...On 2nd thought...

Maybe it's 'reviewed' instead, as suggested by a doctor from the States (see comments). You know what, I have absolutely no idea! God I'm really concerned about my future handwritings now.

A History of Violence

2007-09-23T11:32:00.000+12:00

Probably one of the most under-appreciated and understated gem of a movie in recent years. I've just rewatched the movie since about a year ago, and yet it disturbs me still with its unflinching study of the nature of violence.

Yes, this is a violent movie, as the title explicitly says. But it's unlike any violence I've seen in movies. No gratuitious glorification of violence like what you've seen from The Matrix or (that pretentious outrageously racist) 300, but violence as it is: shocking and horrifying. But it is NOT an anti-violent sermon either, but a disturbing study of the necessity of violence in order to survive.

It makes me realize something. One can debate concerning the issues of morality when one has overcome the basic needs to live; but when it comes to survival, there is no good or evil. Merely the simple fact that the fittest survive.

Great movie to provoke you to think about the nature of violence, and I can almost guarantee you will be haunted by the movie after you've done watching it.

Here's a trailer for those who are curious.

Walking Zombie

2007-09-07T00:14:00.001+12:00

General Surgery is almost over. For a moment I almost feel human again, walking in the sunlight, enjoying the view, nothing to worry about. Then I remember that I still have my 21 short case histories + discussion that I need to complete by Monday.

I can't help feeling that I'm fight a losing battle against the all-present apathy that engulfs me for the past couple of months. I don't feel pleasure in anything anymore. One day melts into another, feeling that I'm spending too much time in the hospital but learning too little bcuz I dunno where to start.

Right now, as in NOW, I don't want to have anything to do with Medicine. Honestly. I need a break.

Death Note

2007-08-28T01:51:00.000+12:00

My interest in anime has decreased significantly since I last watched Cowboy Bebop, as the quality of recent animes are lamentable. No, I do not mean the technical side, which is more glorious than ever. However, I'm juz not interested in the 'all style, no substance' trend that recent anime has increasingly adopted...

Until I finally found this series... Death Note.

Alright, to be honest, the premise sounds lame at first. A brilliant but eccentric, world-wearied high school student came across a 'Death Note' one day, which he discovered that he can kill anyone he has in mind so long as he writes the name down in the notebook, and picture the person's face in his mind. Experimenting the "Death Note" on 2 criminals, he was at first shocked that it really worked, but soon becomes obsessed with passing his righteous judgement upon the wicked, and crown himself a god of a new world. But the serial of 'killings' of criminals caught the attention of the police & crime investigators worldwide, and soon a mysterious, faceless detective known to the world only as 'L' begins his hunt for the mysterious mass murderer behind all these killings, nicknamed 'Kira'.

Now if you think the plot description sounds shallow, you're DEAD wrong. Even only after watching the 1st 3 episodes of the series, each episode continues to astound me with its depth. The existential themes explored in these episodes are intriguing, and I'm reminded of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, especially the protagonist Raskolnikov. The cat-&-mouse game between the 2 lead characters are incredible suspenseful (an adjective you'll hardly link to anime), and the lack of gratuitous action sequence & annoying chibli cuteness are incredibly refreshing changes to your everyday anime, to say the least. Coupled this with the high quality animation plus the seductively dark tone of the anime, who in their sane mind could have possibly overlook this gem?

The series seems incredibly promising to me, and you can bet I'll be following it for the next few weeks. If anyone is interested, head on to this link and judge for yourself!

Medical Aplitude Test

2007-08-05T22:06:00.000+12:00

Taking the medical aplitude test after Keat's example... Here's my results:

1 emergency med 40

2 dermatology 39

3 med oncology 39

4 orthopaedic surgery 38

5 pediatrics 37

6 obstetrics/gynecology 37

7 psychiatry 37

8 nephrology 37

9 gastroenterology 36

10 allergy & immunology 36

11 aerospace med 35

12 radiology 35

13 nuclear med 35

14 neurosurgery 34

15 general surgery 34

16 plastic surgery 34

17 hematology 34

18 otolaryngology 34

19 endocrinology 33

20 general internal med 33

21 family practice 33

22 preventive med 33

23 urology 33

24 rheumatology 33

25 neurology 33

26 pulmonology 32

27 ophthalmology 32

28 physical med & rehabilitation 32

29 thoracic surgery 31

30 infectious disease 31

31 colon & rectal surgery 31

32 radiation oncology 30

33 cardiology 30

34 anesthesiology 28

35 occupational med 28

36 pathology 28

Well happily emergency medicine is my current favourite specialty, but disappointedly general med & general practice are so low down in the list as I do include them under consideration. I've practically ruled out surgery as one of my future career path, so it's quite annoying to see them so high up (probably bcuz of my tendency for more immediate results seen), and I absolutely hated orthopaedics. Psych is among the top ten which is cool, as I do have some interest in it. No idea bout paeds & O&G, will only have the runs next year.

On a side note, pathology is the lowest in the list... the direct opposite of Keat's list lol

I'm in my general surgery run now... Stuck in a field I have little interest in... Can't wait for this to be over and get started on Psych next lol.

And so it ends... (No spoilers, promise)

2007-07-21T18:44:00.000+12:00

July 21st, 2007. The day the classics of our time concluded. The seventh installment of the Harry Potter series is finally out.

And here I am trying to catch up the entire series again starting from book one. Barely started Chamber of Secrets today. I'm crossing my fingers that no one will spoil the ending for me till I finish the entire series myself.

And for that purpose I'm turning off the comment box lest anyone post up the spoilers on me... And I'll probably avoid checking comments from other posts as well just in case lol.

Better catch up fast...

I'm Better Off Dead

2007-07-21T15:01:00.000+12:00

Nearing the end of my General Medicine run... and I'm feeling I'm about to burn out as well. An incredibly exhausting run really. And guess what run will I be having next? Another 6 weeks of General Surgery (something I have zero interest on)...

Really, I'm better off dead. (Thanks to Radiohead for the phrase, it's like my motto now lol).

1st time Rubik's Cube solved!

2007-07-15T19:58:00.000+12:00

Bought a Rubik's cube yesterday out of the blue. After spending almost 24 hours trying to crack it (with online help of cuz), I've managed to solve it! YES!!! The very 1st time I solved a Rubik's cube! Another childhood dream comes true! Lol.

Who would have thought that such a small cube of a toy could cheer me up in my days of blue...

What I have for supper b4 I got my car...

2007-06-19T23:41:00.001+12:00

I've Bought A Car!!!

2007-06-13T20:59:00.000+12:00

I've bought a car! 2002 Honda FIT (known as Jazz in M'sia) Sport! 1.5cc Vtec, mileage 38,000km, 2nd hand, imported from Japan! No more boring weekends! Yay~

A Quick Summary of My Academic Life Thus Far

2007-05-31T14:17:00.000+12:00

Alright it's time to update about my academic life here.

My 4th year starts off with 2 weeks of campus learning, i.e. lectures and labs discussions. I have to admit that I'm not used to the lecture time of 8 to 5 really, after having only 2 hours of lectures back in IMU daily. I'm still having difficulties communicating with my caucasian batchmates, compared to the asian counterparts. The weird accent and the figure of speech they used are sometimes just too different for me to comprehend.

1st run after the lecture weeks was 2 weeks of Anaesthetic in Middlemore. A really relaxing and enjoyable run on retrospect. Since the anaesthetist have plenty of free time to teach during surgery, I get to learn a lot from them as well as watch plenty of different surgeries. Unfortunately this run requires a lot of knowledge on pharmacology though, one of my weakest subject. But I'm glad I started off with this, as I have refreshed most of my pharmaco knowledge by the time of my next run.

4 weeks of Locomotor (Orthopaedics and Rheumatology) in Auckland comes next. Well, it was a BAAAAAAAADDDDD run for me. The consultants and registrars were much too busy to bother teaching anything to me, and most of what I learn during this period was self-directed. Ward rounds were so boring and useless I skipped it after suffering for 1 and a half week. But I did learn something in both orthopaedic and rheumatology clinics though. By the end of the run, joints examinations weren't as difficult as I thought it to be after all.

Next comes 4 weeks of General Practise posting: 2 weeks urban practise with Dr John Tseung in Epsom, 2 weeks rural practise at Dargaville. This was definitely the best run I have so far. Seen plenty of different cases and even learn a bit of simple suturing techniques. It was also fascinating to observe how closely primary care is linked to secondary & tertiary care in NZ. All healthcare records are keyed into a system that can be accessible by all of the patient's healthcare provider, making patient's medical background easily obtained. It's also interesting to experience how much more warm & friendlier rural practise are in comparison to Auckland.

2 weeks in the Emergency Department at Auckland came finally before my holiday. Being the field I'm currently most interested in, I have lots of anticipation in this run. Well it turns out that the ED in Auckland is much more quieter than I thought. In the 6 days I was attached there, I only get to see 3 potentially life-threatening admission. Others mostly concerns of fractures, sudden collapse & a long list of silly GP cases. I do like the work environment though, as the doctors here mostly work independently unless there's a real emergency, and when in doubt you can always consult the consultant in duty. Otherwise you don't have to tolerate any form of bossing around by your superiors as you work mostly on your own.

Holidays came next, and 14 of us IMU ppl (+ one outside boyfriend lol) went to Rotorua. But that's another post for another time! XD

The Secret Garden

2007-05-17T19:41:00.000+12:00

I was walking back to my flats during my rural general practice posting in Dargaville when I encounter this unbelievably beautiful view. I snapped like a dozen shots of it, and this is my favourite among the series. I call it "The Secret Garden".

Like hearing the voice of God...

2007-05-16T13:21:00.000+12:00

Probably the most moving description of Mozart's music ever. The following scene is taken from the 1984 movie Amadeus, directed by Milos Forman, where Mozart's jealous rival Salieri described the piece in a flashback scene. The piece is Serenade For Winds K. 361: 3rd Movement (Gran Partita).

And yes, that single oboe note near the beginning of the piece is probably the most rapturous note I've ever heard in my life.

College Saga

2007-05-11T19:46:00.000+12:00

To all ye Final Fantasy lovers! XD

Ismail Ax

2007-04-20T19:07:00.000+12:00

I've been haunted by the news of the Virginia Tech Massacre for the past couple of days. A korean teen murderer, 30 people dead and 32 wounded, shot in random. While most people would express outrage and disgust towards Cho Seung-hui/ Ismail Ax, the perpetrator of the massacre, I can't help but feel drawn towards wondering WHY he did it. In a way, I sympathize him more than the 60+ people who were shot by him. Does that make me a sick person, I wonder...

He considered himself a martyr, and I wonder, a martyr for what cause? It's a burning question to me, but as far as I know, there's no answers from the media just yet. I can't help it. While I totally oppose what he has committed, I'm fascinated with what motivates Ismail Ax (the name on his tattoo, I'm assuming it's his alter ego) that resulted in such an epic tragedy.

I'll be watching out for any news concerning this events these coming days.

Watching the Kiwis

2007-03-22T21:43:00.000+12:00

Ok, time to report some of my findings on New Zealanders:-

Observations:
1. The accent - Well NZ accent is very subtle in general, I don't have much problem understanding them, and neither do they have much trouble understanding me (big contrast with my last Sydney/Gold Coast trip in Australia). The one funny thing bout the accent is the way they pronouce 'e' the way we pronouce 'i'. Therefore, 'head & neck' sounds like 'hiad & nick', 'desk' becomes 'disk', 'tension' -> 'tinsion', and 'medicine', 'midcine'.

Example: (for bist effict, rid this aloud)
sex - one liss than sivven

It was kinda amusing (and sometime hilarious) when I first hear them, but I'm getting used to them now. Oh they also love to use 'aye' a lot by the way, not unlike the 'la' we Malaysians have the habit to use at the end of our sentences. Well in general, I'm surprised by how gentle the accent sounds, since I was expecting something harsher, like the Australian accent. But they do have the habit to mumble once in awhile though, which is when I can hardly understand anything lol.

2. The opening hours - Yes I DID expect shops to close down early in the Australasia region, but imagine this: Most shopping malls are closed around 4.30-5pm on a Sunday!!! I mean, what the hell?! How am I supposed to spend my weekend nights then? The only things you can do to entertain yourself at night is drinking here really. Which brings me to my next point... (Before that, I juz wanna confess that I REALLY miss Malaysian night life...) <=(

3. The drinking orgy - Alright I've overexaggerated there. But it's true to a certain extent: people here engage in binge drinking more often than not. It's as if their sole purpose of visiting a bar or having a drinking party is to get drunk. Then you'll see the most well-behaved people saying all kinds of incomprehensible rubbish, while some of us even received some racist remarks and all (someone thrown an egg at one of us while we were walking back along a road at night). And god when they drink, the stink of beer stays at the place for hours. And they get pretty rowdy when they're high too, which is rather annoying for someone who enjoys the quiet and peaceful enviroment of NZ.

4. The diet - Strange enough, the diet here in Auckland (read: Auckland, not NZ. I have no idea how things are outside Auckland) is filled with all sorts of Asian delights. Rice is a common staple food, Japanese/Chinese/Korean restaurants can be found everywhere, they have a nice selection of indian dhal, and best of all, the satay here actually taste better than the ones in Malaysia! The lamb here is delicious, but the pork here juz turns me off. It has the weird, unpleasent aroma with it. Quite a pity actually, since it's refreshing to see pork everywhere here compared with Malaysia.

Oh and they have really light lunches here. The people here often have sandwich for lunch. Which is REALLY bad for me, since lunch is usually my heaviest meal of the day back home. And of cuz, supper is almost non-existent here. Thank god they do have a wide selection of instant noodles here, again, due to the high Asian influence in their diet. Indomee, maggi mee, hokkien mee, singapore fried noodle, vietnamese nice noodle, korean kimchi noodle, japanese udon... All these you can get easily in the instant noodle section of the supermarkets/asian grocery shops here.

5. The multiracial community - One of the reason I feel quite at home in Auckland is due to the fact that there's quite a multiracial community here. There are more than 15% of Asians here (18.9% according to the 2006 census), 25% are Maoris or Polynesians while the rest are causcasians. Even the caucasians are from all over the world: UK, Europe, North America, South Africa (quite a number of them. funny accent)... A very colourful community indeed. I've been with chinese, middle-eastern, maori, and american doctors in my hospital attachments so far, and it's been quite an interesting experience learning from them. It's a relief that I'm not a minor minority here really lol.

Well that's all I can think of for now. Well update more if I recall any further observations! ;)

Random Pics

2007-03-17T20:00:00.000+13:00

Auckland City Central, as seen from a ferry. Well it does look pretty, doesn't it? The tall tower over there is Sky Tower, tallest tower in the south hemisphere... Still much shorter than KL Tower though, not to mention the Petronas Twin Towers.

Auckland Domain at dusk. This picture don't do any justice to the beauty of the domain, as I took it with my lousy handphone VGA camera. It looks like some sort of sacred ground really. And man it's HUGE!

Everybody getting ready for the start of the Starlight Symphony, an annual event of live classical music performances and fireworks!

I've bought a bottle of dessert wine just to enjoy it along with the show! Hehe...

Keat caught in the act! Haha...

Cheers to Khang Hee's soon-to-be-born baby!

Fireworks coordinated with Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (remember the song from V For Vendetta when the whole parliament building went kaboom?) It's one helluva impressive display! There's even canon shots and all in the domain!

Lion dance at Sky City (The atrium of Sky Tower). Reminds me of CNY celebrations back home...

One Tree Hill, the highest peak in Auckland. Used to have a lone tree sitting on top of the hill, but have since been chopped off. There's a long and amusing history behind this hill, you can check it out in Wikipedia if you're interested.

The obelisk on top of One Tree Hill. The figure over there is a statue of a Maori warrior.

Pride of Auckland sailing tour. The uni sponsored half of the ticket costs for us, which is why most of us can't resist giving it a try.

All of us have a chance to steer the sail for the Pride of Auckland tour! And don't let the jacket fooled you: it's hot as hell then! Lol. The weather here can be very unpredictable.

Downtown Britomart, the central bus station of Auckland.

Flowers!!! Colourful!!! Hehe...

The Auckland Wartime Museum at Auckland Domain. Beautiful architecture, but very singular though. You won't find many such classical buildings in Auckland.

The marae visit. A marae is a place of meeting for the Maori people, which is held to be a sacred ground by them since... forever. We have 2 days of lectures here inside the building, and spent a night sleeping inside the building.

The interior of the marae. Yes I know, the place looks bigger from the inside doesn't it? The chairs are all aligned for the (exceptionally boring) lectures.

Laying the mattresses down to sleep for the night in the marae! I looked quite stoned there don't I? Lol.

Dusk at the fields close to the marae. The variety of colours in the pics reminded me of the paintings of my favourite artist, Van Gogh. Rangitoto Island, a volcanic island that emerged from the sea about 5 decades ago, rests in a dormant state mysteriously at the background of the pic.