Nov 30, 2007
Nov 27, 2007
Nov 26, 2007
Stats show...
It was never an issue whether all of us will made it thru 4th year or not. We all know that statistically (based on past performances by IMU students) that some of us will fail, like it or not.
I just hope that it isn't me...
I just hope that it isn't me...
Nov 24, 2007
Paper A - Thumbs down
The 1st paper went horribly. Horrible as in, I need a miracle now to pass my 4th year paper.
I might have sound overdramatic, considering how my peers came out of the exam hall, cheerful & smiling. Having blank-outs in the midst of the exam is truly an unpleasent feeling. Feel choked with despair halfway thru the exam, unable to answer parts of all the questions asked.
But I can't afford to grieve over my miserable performance in the 1st paper now. Paper B is awaiting in 3 days time. Eat, rest, and forward I go with my studies again.
I won't have mind failing if it doesn't cost me an extra RM 100,000 repeating for another year... So much effort wasted at the wrong end...
I might have sound overdramatic, considering how my peers came out of the exam hall, cheerful & smiling. Having blank-outs in the midst of the exam is truly an unpleasent feeling. Feel choked with despair halfway thru the exam, unable to answer parts of all the questions asked.
But I can't afford to grieve over my miserable performance in the 1st paper now. Paper B is awaiting in 3 days time. Eat, rest, and forward I go with my studies again.
I won't have mind failing if it doesn't cost me an extra RM 100,000 repeating for another year... So much effort wasted at the wrong end...
Nov 23, 2007
Radiohead Cover
Radiohead covering The Smiths' The Headmaster Ritual. Great live performance that cheers me up in dark time like these.
Nov 22, 2007
Resigned
I am utterly resigned to my fate now. Neither depair nor hopeful over the outcome of the results. One can only take in so much before turning numb, totally unreceptive towards additional stress inputs.
Never knew there's such thing as a refractory period in chronic stress.
...Is this learned helplessness?
Never knew there's such thing as a refractory period in chronic stress.
...Is this learned helplessness?
Nov 21, 2007
Lonely
For the first time in 4 years, I'm starting to feel that I can't cope with Medicine.
Nothing feels worse than feeling lonely in the presence of your friends. You're wrong John Donne. Each man is an island, entire of itself. The bridges we built to one another merely creates the illusion that we're connected. In the end, each individual have to face their own uncertain future all by himself.
Trying to imagine how it must have felt for the few IMU ppl who failed 5th year, & I realized that I just can put myself in their shoes. Tried to imagine what happens if I fail my 4th year now, & all I see is just pitch black. I CANNOT fail this, I can't afford to, but I still might. Too much to remember for my pea brain.
Nothing feels worse than feeling lonely in the presence of your friends. You're wrong John Donne. Each man is an island, entire of itself. The bridges we built to one another merely creates the illusion that we're connected. In the end, each individual have to face their own uncertain future all by himself.
Trying to imagine how it must have felt for the few IMU ppl who failed 5th year, & I realized that I just can put myself in their shoes. Tried to imagine what happens if I fail my 4th year now, & all I see is just pitch black. I CANNOT fail this, I can't afford to, but I still might. Too much to remember for my pea brain.
Nov 12, 2007
Coming of the Finals
In tough pre-finals time like this, it's God, a dear friend, Radiohead's music, and support from family and friends that keep me going. I would do well to remember them and be grateful after I have overcome this hurdle.
*One* *two* *three* *hold breath* and *dive in*.
Finals will be on the 24th and 28th of November 2007. I have MUCH to read up still.
*One* *two* *three* *hold breath* and *dive in*.
Finals will be on the 24th and 28th of November 2007. I have MUCH to read up still.
Nov 8, 2007
What I want for Christmas
What I want for Christmas:
Yes, although I'm a HUGE fan of Radiohead and have own several audio casettes of their albums, I have YET to own any CDs from them (except OK Computer, which somehow went missing...)
So ya, I'll be waiting... Those who are interested in sharing with me this wonderful gift, please click here. (LOL)
Yes, although I'm a HUGE fan of Radiohead and have own several audio casettes of their albums, I have YET to own any CDs from them (except OK Computer, which somehow went missing...)
So ya, I'll be waiting... Those who are interested in sharing with me this wonderful gift, please click here. (LOL)
Nov 7, 2007
White Coat, Mood Indigo
Glad to know that I'm not alone in this:
White coat, mood indigo - Depression in medical school
The big question lies in whether should I seek psychiatric help for this, as I know the main reason I'm suffering from this doom and gloom is bcuz of the lack of sense of control in my own life in this hectic schedule for the entire year. As my 4th year is drawing to a close, I really need to take some time off and put everything into perspective. But as usual, time does not allow it.
I'm already feeling the effects of burn-out setting in. Just hope I can last till the finals (and pass it of course).
The big question lies in whether should I seek psychiatric help for this, as I know the main reason I'm suffering from this doom and gloom is bcuz of the lack of sense of control in my own life in this hectic schedule for the entire year. As my 4th year is drawing to a close, I really need to take some time off and put everything into perspective. But as usual, time does not allow it.
I'm already feeling the effects of burn-out setting in. Just hope I can last till the finals (and pass it of course).
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