That's All Folks!

Truth be told, I'm sick of the sad sap I've become. I started a new blog recently, and after a couple of posts I realize I much prefer the new content. Unfortunately, they turned out to be much TOO personal to share with everyone, so it'll stay as an anonymous blog.

And yup, this is the end of this blog. Thank you to all who has been following so far. I'm getting out of here before I'm trapped in this gloom & doom!

Oh and Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone!

It's a brand new start for me!

Tada

I pass the year, but I got tagged for surgery and required to do a directed elective for medicine.

Yes I'm that bad. Watch out world, there's a dubious doctor in the making.

The annoying thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to improve on all these assessments. I just feel so... left out of the loop.

Have to survive next year. How?

PASSED

I passed. Barely. But passed.

Now I'm torn between just stay as far as I can from Medicine for the holidays, or start preparing for my final year in med school. My results have been going steadily downhill right back since sem 4 in IMU, and now that I've reached the point where I've just barely missed the failing line, I can't afford to be complacent anymore.

I'll definitely take a break once I get registered as a doctor. Maybe get myself involve in some research. Or perhaps some light teaching back in IMU. Facilitating PBLs sounds like a fun way to earn some money.

Fear

But I fear
I have nothing to give
And I have so much to lose
Here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like
Better than to fall

- lyrics from 'Fear', by Sarah McLachlan

Achievement

I helped a friend getting his first job at a prestigious company. Giving him tips on what to expect in the job interview, how to handle some of the commonly-asked questions, and most significantly, proof-reading & correct all the errors in his all his mail to the company when he was applying for the job. I'm really happy for him for getting that job.

That small contribution I've made gives me a sense of achievement. Something I have never felt ever since I've entered med school 5 years ago.

...Sometimes I pity myself.

rambling

oh why why do i study medicine no time not enough time to finish study everything omg i need sleep it's 4.38am and exam's on 2.15pm but shit i still haven't cover so much omg i dowanna fail cost too much bloody 120000 ringgit cannot be gone to waste not to mention my loan which i have to return no no no please no i need to pass this badly omg i should sleep no i should study i'm going mad

I'm lost...

...in a sea of drugs!!!



ARGH!!!

Memories of Spring @ One Tree Hill

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38848&l=5095d&id=506321725

Motivation from Mozart

Thank God for Mozart. When I just can't go on with my studies anymore, his music is the only thing that still motivates me to soldier onwards.

Especially his final completed masterpiece, the 4th movement of his Symphony No.41 in C Major (K. 551). Woody Allen once said that the piece proves the existence of God. While I think that's an overstatement, the piece is nothing short of a glorious testament to the genius that is Mozart.

It'll soon be over

While it may seemed that I have stop blogging bcuz I'm losing interest in it, truth is I just don't want to whine incessantly in my blog, which is what that will happen if I am to write down my thoughts and feelings for the past few months. Yes things have been rough, but thank God it'll all end soon.

Finals will start at 18/10 with Paper A, Paper B at 23/10, and OSCE on the 28/10. And hopefully this is the only time I have to take these tests, as I certainly don't have the will to repeat 5th year again. I have enough of struggling through med school. About time to learn by being part of the workforce.

I need a break. A very long break.

Toy Story 2... or The Dark Knight??

I WANT MY LIFE BACK

Proud American

Guys, this is SOOOOOO funny, I have to share it with everyone!!!

Here's a trailer of an IMAX film, Proud American.



In case you're wondering, no this is not a joke, it's a real movie!

Guess how did it perform in the box office?

Open in 750 cinemas, its total gross is $96,076, or $128 per venue — one of the worst for any wide release in the US!

Mother & Daughter

Gwyneth Paltrow and Blythe Danner. Mother & daughter.

Beautiful picture. Beautiful women.

My Watch Stopped

My watch stopped. At Sept 11, 2008. The hands point to 6:05:21 (pm presumably). For the first time since I bought it years ago.

The Point of No Return

The latest turn of events in Malaysian politics is disturbing, to say the least.

Source: Malaysiakini

Don’t be like American Jews, Chinese told

Penang Umno leader Ahmad Ismail, the man at the centre of the ‘racial slur’ controversy, warned Chinese Malaysians not to mimic American Jews who not only seek to control the country’s economy but also its political power.

MCPX

In an explosive 50-minute press conference, Ahmad who claimed time and again that he was not a racist, vowed that he would not apologise for his remarks which sparked the controversy.

“While it is not difficult to say sorry - for the sake of my Malay dignity, I resolve not to apologise no matter what others may say. I am willing to take the risk (for not doing so),” he said in a 14-page statement.

The press conference, which was held at the Penang Umno headquarters this afternoon, ended with shouts of ‘Hidup Melayu’ from about 50 local party leaders who were there.

Soon after the event, former Penang Umno committee member Zainol Abidin Hashim, with the help from his colleagues pulled down the photo of Gerakan acting president Dr Koh Tsu Koon which adorned one of the walls in the party headquarters.

Koh’s picture frame, which sat next to the photos of the Penang governor and his wife, was subsequently smashed.

As the glass broke into pieces, Zainol removed Koh’s photo from the frame and tore it into half.

Koh, who is former Penang chief minister, has been trading barbs with Ahmad, the Bukit Bendera Umno division chief, over the issue.

In a hastily-organised press conference at 10.30pm, Koh announced that Penang Gerakan had decided to cut all ties with its counterpart effective immediately.

He said that he was disappointed in the “rude behaviour” of Umno leaders at their press conference.

Earlier, Ahmad told the minority Chinese not to go overboard in hurting the feelings of the Malays and Muslims.

“I want them to know, I want them to take this as a warning from the Malays. Malays and Muslims have been provoked many times. We have been patient because we want to maintain stability in the country,” he said.

“Remember! The patience of Malays and Muslims has its limits. Do not push us to the wall, where we will be forced to reject the Chinese for the sake of our survival.

“If what I say sounds too strong for BN, take this as a warning from the Malays and Muslims as this has nothing to do with Umno. Do not pressure Umno leaders until they are caught in a dilemma.”

He then sounded a dire warning to Koh and Gerakan.

“I want Koh Tsu Koon and Gerakan to take responsibility for whatever untoward incidents that could happen in this country of ours.”

Ahmad also called upon BN leaders to “kick Gerakan out” from the ruling coalition.

The Bukit Bendera Umno chief said that he was asked by Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi to hold “another press conference”.

Ahmad previously held a press conference last Friday in which he reiterated that he would not apologise for his remarks.

Abdullah (photo, right), who had earlier told the powerful local Umno leader to do so, was silent on the issue the next day when he met with Penang Umno leaders, including Ahmad.

Ahmad, who was backed by all 13 Umno divisions in Penang - Abdullah’s home state - thanked the prime minister for his “understanding”.

The controversy erupted after Ahmad had allegedly said that the “Chinese were immigrants squatting in this country” at a ceramah during the recent Permatang Pauh by-election campaign.

The speech caused Ahmad to come under heavy fire from Chinese-based political parties, particularly from Umno’s allies MCA and Gerakan over the past two weeks. A spate of police reports were also lodged against the Umno division leader.

Ahmad nevertheless argued that his remark was taken out of context by Chinese-language Sin Chew Daily as he was referring to historical events.

At the press conference, Ahmad also urged the different states to hold a gathering of the whole ummah (Muslim community).

“Let us not let it go to waste as the flames of anger among Malays and Muslims has reached new heights. Let us take embrace this anger and come together as Malays and Muslims throughout the land so that we can turn the voices of the Malays into one that will unite all Malays and Muslims into one single movement.”

In an immediate reaction, both Abdullah and Deputy Prime Minister Najib Razak are expected to meet Ahmad tomorrow. It is believed that action could be taken against the Umno leader.

This is clearly getting out of hand. Ahmad Ismail should not have turn a personal issue into a vendetta across racial lines. It is obvious he is trying to incite racial tension ala May 13 style, and I do hope that Malaysians are wise enough now not to fall for it. Otherwise, there will be no home for me to return to this coming November...

Coming of the Day of Reckoning

A dramatic "last article" from Raja Petra, before his imminent detention under the ISA:

Is Anwar Unstoppable?

I pretty much agree with him about Anwar's status. Either he'll be victorious, or he'll crash and burn.

September 16, 2008 seems like forever...

News from home...

Condo residents in a bind
(NST September 4, 2008)

ILLEGAL food peddlers hawking on pedestrian walkways, road kerbs and public parking bays in front of the Vista Komanwel B Condo-minium at Bukit Jalil National Stadium are making life miserable for the residents living there.

The hawkers, who hail from different parts of the city, have chosen the spot because of the lucrative business in the area.

The area in front of the condominium, which is located opposite the International Medical University (IMU), has become a sort of food paradise for students from the university.

According to residents interviewed by the StarMetro, stalls have sprung up like mushrooms along pedestrian walkways and road kerbs and they operate in the mornings and evenings.

“All these are happening along a busy four-lane road, which has been reduced to two lanes by illegal hawkers and customers who double park to buy food from them,’’ said Vista Komanwel resident Michelle Tan.

“Pedestrians are forced to walk on the road, thus exposing themselves to danger from incoming traffic. It is also unhygienic and with neither proper toilets nor fresh water facilities,’’ said Tan, adding that waste is just thrown down the drain.

Residents are worried that apart from mosquitoes, rats would soon be making an appearance in their once serene neighbourhood.

The Joint Management Committee of the Vista Komanwel B had on numerous occasions written to DBKL to complain about the illegal hawking going on in the area but apart from sending some enforcement staff to check out the situation, nothing was done to solve the problem.

“Our quality of life has dropped. The situation has caused us all much distress. Apart from the hygiene and smoke emission from the open cooking, the value of our properties have depreciated,’’ said resident Jason Ong.

When StarMetro visited the area recently, many mobile stalls were visible in the area. One particular stall had placed at least 30 tables and chairs right on top of pedestrian walkways.

The stall operates from noon until midnight every day except Sundays. What’s interesting is the fact that the stall operator has even erected a makeshift toilet built over a metal grille covering of a drain.

At other spots, stall operators have placed their food containers and utensils on planter boxes, damaging the plants.

One stall owner even upgraded his ‘service’ by carpeting a stretch of the pedestrian walkway!

“It is not fair that as ratepayers we are denied the right to live in a clean and tranquil manner,” Ong said, adding that something must be done about the matter.

It's amusing to see how after so much changes has happened to my old campus, something always remains the same. >=)

Between Envy and Fear

Written by Martin Khor
Published in the News Straits Time, 11th of August 2008

The Olympic Games has had a spectacular launch. The thrills and spills of the next fortnight are mixed with complex feelings, especially in the West, about the rise of the host country.

FOR the next fortnight, the Olympic Games will dominate not only the news but also the television and Internet attention of hundreds of millions around the world.

The “greatest show on earth” was launched in Beijing last Friday, and the spectacular opening ceremony is still being talked about by many.

It was shrewd of the Chinese authorities to get the country’s top film director to plan the extravaganza, which became an impressive showcase of the country’s history and present development.

While this opening and the new magnificent sports buildings, especially the “Bird’s Nest” stadium, won the acclaim of many, not least the reportedly billions of people who watched the show on TV, the whole Olympics being held in China also attracted sharp criticism, notably from the Western press.

The Times (London) said the Olympics was a subtle agenda for a dictatorship to overcome its crisis of legitimacy. It added that the US$40bil (RM132bil) propaganda coup is paid for by the masses the politicians are seeking to keep in check who have no choice but to cough up.

“No democratic government at China’s stage of economic development would have had the will or the gall for such extravagance,” said the Times.

The claim of the paper is that the Chinese people, if only they could freely voice their feelings, are angry about how their money is being wasted on the Olympics.

Yet the paper contradicts itself by stating that the Olympics is used as propaganda by the government to win political legitimacy. In other words, the extravagant show makes it popular with the masses.

The reality, as affirmed in many a report, is that the Olympics has been largely welcomed by the people in China, who are filled with pride at another “coming of age” of their country on the world stage.

Whether the vast amount of money and human resources that have gone into the Olympics could have been better spent is of course a legitimate subject of debate as it always has been when any large games – be it the Olympics or the World Cup, or the Commonwealth Games or Asian Games – is held, especially in a developing country, where there are competing uses of resources, such as building homes and schools for the poor.

However, China currently arouses especially strong feelings among the governments and people in the Western world.

This is usually dressed in the garb of caring for the human rights of the poor Chinese people, who are often portrayed as being victimised for the country’s development and the supposed personal glory of the political leaders.

But it is hard to deny the other view, that the development in the past 60 years of the highest-populated country has eradicated more poverty than elsewhere.

And whatever we think of the social unevenness and the environmental degradation accompanying the prolific economic growth of the past 10 to 20 years, it has also contributed to realising the economic and social rights of many hundreds of millions of ordinary Chinese.

And that in itself – transforming the image and reality of China from being populated with starving and malnourished people into a thriving developing country – has also contributed to the realisation of economic and social rights of humanity, given the gigantic size of its population.

Much more of course can be done to promote civic and political rights and freedoms, to cater to the legitimate interests and rights of minorities, to resolve the problems in Tibet, and so many other issues.

The urgent need to resolve these kinds of problems can be said of many other countries, too, including in the developed world.

Awe and mutual cooperation, rather then envy and anger, characterise Asean’s view of China.

African countries have recently viewed China as an additional and welcome source of finance and investment.

Though there may be some worry about over-dependence on China, there is more goodwill than fear because China is a major and growing market for the continent’s commodity exports, and its finance comes without the onerous (and often erroneous) conditions that accompany Western and International Monetary Fund financing.

The criticisms against China come mainly from the West. One can’t help but feel that the real source of this is envy and fear. Envy at the 10% plus growth rates, the huge trade surpluses and the gigantic foreign reserves, a bit of which has been used to buy equity in Western companies.

Fear that the balance of world power is shifting to Asia, especially to China, and Western hegemony, including of its culture and civilisation, is significantly slipping.

In fact, China has made itself vulnerable by holding so much of its foreign reserves, which are approaching US$2tril (RM6.6tril) in US Treasury bills.

If the US dollar depreciates significantly, China stands to lose many billions (even hundreds of billions) of dollars in terms of its capacity to import from (or buy assets) in other countries.

The growing dependence of the United States on China, its large trade deficit, and the shifting of US companies’ operations to China, makes this country a source of fear, especially of American workers losing their jobs.

Firstly, this is the reason for the growing protectionist sentiments in America, and secondly it may be an underlying factor for the expression of contempt for the political structures in China.

We can expect to see more of these complex feelings, mixed up with the thrills and spills of the sporting events, throughout the rest of the Beijing Olympic Games.

Protest in Malaysia

If you held a protest without a permit against the government to demand for a fair election, the police arrests you.

If you held a protest without a permit against the Bar Council helding an open forum on 'Conversion to Islam', the police cuts short the forum.

...WTF?!?!

My Birthday Gift to All!

My birthday gift to any readers out there: How to fold a T-shirt in 2 seconds!


How To Fold A T-Shirt In 2 Seconds

For those who can't quite catch it, here's a proper how to.


How To Fold A T-Shirt In 2 Seconds - Explained

Hope you find it as useful as I do! ;)

Obsolete Techs

It's hard to come by articles that are both amusing AND educational. But here's one!

Tech Zombies: 6 Technologies That Don't Know They're Dead

Enjoy! ;)

no no i can't allow this to repeat again in another run i have to move on grow up already thom time and tide waits for no one what done is done take action now get it done final 2 weeks then u'll have a break things can still be salvaged if you act now so act now now now WAKE UP

Fail

I didn't make it.

Surprisingly it wasn't as devastating as I thought it'll be.

I'm given a second chance, and I'm confident I'll do alright then.

Time to wake up to reality Thom.

The clock is ticking.

Earn it.

High Anxiety

I couldn't bear to hear the truth. My ego will be in shatters if I didn't make it. But neither can I persist in this state of limbo before the truth finally boils out.

I've got to make the call. But I dare not.

God help me.

Monkey Business

Anwar increasingly reminded me of Senator Palpatine/Darth Sidious, and UMNO, the corrupted Old Republic.


The whole sodomy/BN mole episode just sounds fishy to me. How the hell did the PKR get the photographic 'evidence' connecting the 'mole' to big BN figures so fast? It almost seems to be meticulously planned and executed. Not unlike the SAPP's vote of no confidence hullaballo. Anwars was then again, a major player in the issue, but is completely invisible. And even after all these uproars, he has yet to show his face and give his statements in person.

Anwar is a shadowy figure indeed.

Defy

I am unhappy. I am frustrated. Everything around me looks bleak.

But I refuse to feel helpless.

I will be defiant till the very end.

...

But what am I defiant against, exactly?!

Australia - Fattest in the World?

Apparently, Australia has overtaken the US as the fattest nation in the world! My oh my...

Australia now world's fattest nation

Opinions

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks."

Ah, such words of wisdom!

My Mad Cow

Like Denny Crane, I have found my Mad Cow.

It's seasonal affective disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

Memento Mori

remember you are mortal

remember you will die

doublethink

I have just recently realize that I'm guilty of doublethink, to borrow the terminology used by George Orwell in 1984 (the acceptance of mutually contradictory beliefs):

Cherishing life while anticipating death; you never know when the drunk driver would choose to run you over or the loose brick from the apartment roof will fall onto your head while you're strolling down the street on your way to the superette.

Seize the day, don't let the days of your life pass you by! For life is ultimately pointless & meaningless.

I put my faith in a God who is dead (as far as his influence in our current world is concerned), and still fight to hold my ground against despair.

How much longer can I last, I wonder. Already I'm feeling the strain, trying to reconciliate these impossibilities.

"Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!" -Isaiah 22:13

Economically Colonized

It is tragic that even until this day, the fate of developing country are still strongly affected by the West. Even when we're no longer colonized in a politically sense, economically we might as well be one.

Fate of our seafood to be known tomorrow
By : Hamidah Atan (NST 17/6/08)

PUTRAJAYA: The European Union steering committee will decide tomorrow whether to go ahead with its plan to ban the import of Malaysian seafood.

Health Minister Datuk Liow Tiong Lai said officers from his ministry and the Agriculture and Agro-based Industry Ministry had presented the country's case to the committee in Brussels.

The fishery industry risks losing RM1.5 billion a year if the EU bans the import of Malaysian seafood.

"We have never faced this problem before. Five countries within the EU are also appealing on our behalf against the ban," he said without disclosing the countries.

Among the conditions set by the EU were that fishing vessels must be equipped with proper refrigerated boxes, clean basins, pots and sanitation system.

"To them, there is no such thing as open air lorries transporting live fish or other seafood. Everything must follow their standards.

"If we want to export to Europe, we have no options but to follow their standards. We, however, need time to fulfil the conditions."

Liow said this after accepting six ambulances worth RM707,000 from the Faber Group.

The ambulances would be used by government hospitals and health clinics.

Faber Group managing director Adnan Mohammad said the company would assist the government in improving the people's quality of life.

Liow said the government would purchase an additional 100 ambulances, costing about RM3.8 million, to complement the current fleet of 1,343 at hospitals and clinics.

He said more allocations were needed to improve the country's healthcare services.

The End

7.05pm (On my watch, New Zealand time), 16th of May 2008 . Man Keat's room in unit 8B of Mount Terrace Apartment, Auckland. When & where I finally finished the Harry Potter series. After almost 3 weeks of mad rush (started when my selective is finished) with books 4, 5, 6 & 7.

It has been a satisfying read, but I wouldn't call it great, at least not yet. But sit down and write a proper review of the entire series one day, but right now, I'm having double visions lol.

Finishing Deathly Hallows in less than 48 hours might actually destroy my perfect eyesight permanently lol.

Can't believe it's been so long since Book 7 was out!

And now, for a short nap!

Loan Approved

I got my JPA scholarship loan approved for RM 250,000! Yay~

Glad to be finally responsible for my own education expenses. Hope this will decrease my parents' financial burden, they've just been thru a hell lot of work-related stress & anxiety.

Now what needs to be done is to pass the rest of my course, no second chances.

Release

It's finally out!

Oh such sweet, glorious release!

And all's perfect and well!

A sign of more to come, perhaps?

=D

Rejoice!

To Paradise and Back

Redang '08 (2/5 - 4/5/2008) @ Laguna
Pics

Back to paradise.

Back on Track

The pieces are falling back into place - and somehow it seems like a terrifying thing. Never have I thought getting back on track can be so nerve-wrecking. I know now the obstacles, and I know now the ways to handle them. All I need now is the will to carry them out. 

Apathy is but a choice.

Monologue

I've worked too hard for you to dismiss it like that.

But admit it, you do suck if no one can see your effort.

Of all people who dare to make that comment, it's always the unworthy ones who pass the judgement on something totally beyond their comprehension.

Think about it, the fact that you think the way you do betrayed yourself. You are as bad as you claimed they are.

I will be what I want to be, and I don't care all the bullshit they hurl to me.

If that is true you wouldn't have been so bothered by them as to write up this post.

Oh shut up.

. . . . . .

Updates from Home

3 weeks of selectives back home has been kind to me. I finally realize being with your family ain't that bad after all. Sure sometimes all the family politics and dramas repulse me, but I never expected to enjoy the company so much. Makes me having 2nd thoughts about settling down in NZ and all after I've graduated. Well, home is home, no matter how promising working in a developed country may seem.

During these time of reflection (I have plenty of time to spare now, and the time I don't spend with my family, I spent in self reflection), I realize I still love medicine, in fact, more than ever, now that things are starting to piece together and make sense. It's more of matter of lack of time to pursue my other interests. Unfortunately I'm not as single-mindedly devoted to medicine as some others, and I've always value my freedom to do the things I like. But now that the main culprit has been identified, what I need to do now is to get some time management issue sorted out.

The clubhouse for Setia Eco has finally open to the residents on the 15th of April. After months of delay. I was the first person to utilize the facilities there (gym, swimming pool and spa), and I will be visiting there everyday from now on till the day I fly back to NZ. Time to shed some fat. For good. >=)

3 Stages of Burnout

Stage 1. Stress Arousal
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Persistent irritability
2. Persistent anxiety
3. Periods of high blood pressure
4. Bruxism (grinding your teeth at night)
5. Insomnia
6. Forgetfulness
7. Heart palpitations
8. Inability to concentrate
9. Headaches
10. Gastrointestinal problems

The stress arousal stage includes persistent irritability, persistent anxiety, periods of high blood pressure, bruxism (the grinding of teeth during sleep), insomnia, and forgetfulness.

Additionally, you may have heart palpitations, unusual heart arrythymia, concentration problems, and headaches/stomach problems.

With the presence of any two of these, you may be experiencing stage 1 stress arousal.

Stage 2. Energy Conservation
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Tardiness
2. Procrastination
3. Decreased sexual desire
4. Persistent fatigue
5. Turning work in late
6. Social withdrawal (from friends and/or family)
7. Cynical attitudes
8. Resentfulness
9. Increased stimulant consumption (caffeine, nicotine, ephedrine, etc.)
10. Increased alcohol consumption
11. Misuse of prescription and non-prescription drugs
12. Apathy
13. Loss or lack of spirituality

The energy conservation stage might include excessive lateness, procrastination, excessive time off, decreased desire for sex, persistent tiredness, turning work in late, social withdrawal from friends and family, increased cynicism, resentment, increased stimulant consumption, increased alcohol consumption, misuse of prescription and non-prescription drugs, apathy, and loss or lack of spirituality.

Again, any two of these symptoms may signal you’re in stage 2 of the burnout cycle.

Stage 3. Exhaustion
(includes any two of the following symptoms)

1. Chronic sadness or depression
2. Chronic stomach or bowel problems
3. Chronic mental fatigue
4. Chronic physical fatigue
5. Chronic headaches
6. The desire to “escape” from friends, family and perhaps even school
7. Perhaps the desire to commit suicide

The exhaustion stage is where most people finally get a sense that something may be wrong. The symptoms include: chronic sadness or depression, chronic stomach or bowel problems, chronic mental fatigue, chronic physical fatigue, chronic headaches or migraines, the desire to “drop out” or “escape” from society. Like the previous stages any two of these symptoms can indicate stage 3 burnout.

Remember, burnout is a process that usually occurs sequentially, it progresses through stages, thus giving you the opportunity to recognize symptoms and take the necessary steps to prevent it. If you see yourself in stage 3, it is time to get help. Meeting the criteria for stage 3 is your signal and you need to seek assistance: your stress level is beyond your control.

Currently I'm having 5 of Stage 1 symptoms, 10 of Stage 2 symptoms, and 5 of Stage 3 symptoms. What to do, what to do...

Whinges from the Underground

It's sad when you really feel like updating your blog when it suddenly dawned on you that you have nothing interesting to write about regarding your life for the past couple of months. My life outside Medicine just ceased to exist. That would have been fascinating if it's not so depressing.

Then again, that's not quite true. Finally got to read a novel from beginning to end within a week, which is mostly due to the fact that I have a long 4-days Easter break. The book was The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. While the novel wasn't spectacular, it was quite a memorable read, with themes of betrayal, courage and redemption. As I've recently developed an interest in foreign culture that I'm totally ignorant about, I find viewing the world through an Afghan character intriguing. That said, I still find the author too optimistic about the States, probably because he is now an American I guess.

It's until I've finished reading The Kite Runner that I realize that I've forgotten the joys of reading. While I can't exactly say that I don't have the time to read novels since clinical phase started, I just find it hard to continuously reading a novel without long periods of interruptions. Studying Medicine is just too distracting for you to actually focusing in anything else. So far I've neglected my exercises, meals, sleep and hobbies. Whenever I find myself overwhelmed with boredom or disinterest in Medicine, I lose myself in hours of computer games, which makes hours disappear like seconds (damn you Oblivion!).

I seriously need to end this disengagement to my own life. I need to feel in control again. While I feel that I'm coping better this year, I'm still not completely there yet. I need to get my priorities right. I need to manage my time more wisely. I need to fuel my passion in life again.

But this is doubly hard as I could hardly find any other like-minded people around me. I constantly feel like I'm suffocated by the endless herd of buffoons, drunkards & sluts all around me. Are there really no kindred with a soul here? Or am I just too uptight?

Godfather in 1 Minute

An amazingly amusing and appropriate summary of the Godfather, all in 1 minute! Ok, maybe 2. XD

I hate thinking of a title

When encountering a culture shock, many of us tend to recoil from our surroundings and built a cocoon of familiarity and comfort among our fellow expats. We build up walls, and threw rocks at others from our comfort zone, calling people racist or anti-Malaysian and such. A normal, acceptable reaction, I guess.

But I didn't. The more I experience this cultural alienation, the more I reflect on how I myself have been practicing this very form of discrimination towards the Others subconsciously. Although I didn't go as far as to purposely persecute or scoff at people who doesn't share a similar cultural background as mine, I do identify a gross deficit in my empathy towards these people. It's sad how you never realize you have mistreated others until you find yourself slighted.

While I was never the subject of racial discrimination, I have felt the perception as the Other often during my runs from my superiors. But I've accepted it as a perfectly reasonable human behaviour now, for I can't deny that I am the Other in relative to the local kiwis. I just hope my knowledge and proficiency is enough to sustain me thru med school without me having to constantly prove my worth thru excessive vocalization of my 'enthusiasm'.

Malaysia's former leader calls on prime minister to step down after election fiasco

(International Herald Tribune (Asia-Pacific) March 9, 2008)

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia: Malaysia's former leader Mahathir Mohamad on Sunday urged his successor to resign in the wake of stunning election losses, and apologized for hand-picking him in 2003 to lead the country.

Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's National Front lost its two-thirds majority in Parliament and five of 13 states to the opposition in Saturday's general elections — the coalition's worst setback in its 51-year rule since independence.

"I think he should accept responsibility for ... this massive defeat," Mahathir told reporters. "He needs to consider stepping down."

Mahathir, who resigned in 2003 after 22 years in power, choose Abdullah as his successor but turned against him Abdullah two years ago and has frequently accused him of corruption and nepotism. He has said in the past that Abdullah's deputy, Najib Razak, would have made a better prime minister.

"I'm sorry that I apparently made the wrong choice," he said. "My greatest concern is that the leader doesn't understand the situation." He said Abdullah and others in the coalition "have become so arrogant."

Earlier Sunday, Abdullah dismissed suggestions that he would now face pressure from party members to step down.

"I don't know who would pressure me. There is nothing at this time," he said.

Mahathir cited voters' frustrations over price hikes and alleged nepotism as the main reason for the poor election showing, which gave the National Front 139 parliamentary seats and the opposition alliance 82 seats with one still to be decided. Previously, the opposition held only 19 seats.

He said successive high economic growth has not trickled down to ordinary Malaysians, who were now suffering from the rising cost of living.

"And then, of course, they've observed that this government is run by one family," he said, accusing Abdullah of favoring his son-in-law, Khairy Jamaluddin, a National Front member.

Malaysians also were upset over the rise in crime and seething ethnic and religious tensions. Some 60 percent of the country's 27 million people are Muslim Malays, while a quarter are ethnic Chinese and 8 percent ethnic Indians.

Discontent over policies that favor Malays in education, business and job opportunities led some 20,000 Indians to protest last November in a rare show of anger. They also complained their Hindu temples were unjustly demolished.

But critics say many of the problems facing the country, including racial tensions, inflation and judicial corruption, have their roots in Mahathir's rule

"Twenty-two years of Mahathir's maladministration and dismantling of democracy and weakening of institutions came to fruition in the last four years," said Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, a political commentator.

Winds of Change

Barisan Nasional suffered its greatest defeat in history. Many people cheered over that fact. I find it quite silly and naive really. True I would like to see the opposition gaining more positions in the new government, but I am truly concerned about the opposition's burden to fulfill their pledge now that they have won so many seats all of a sudden. There's much to learn, and little time to get things done to prove their worth.

This may be the winds of change in Malaysian history... or it may be a minor setback for BN until the next election if the opposition can't hold things together. Only time will tell. I'll definitely have a close watch over the Malaysian political scene for the coming months.

He's out of my hands.

You bastards better make sure you take good care of him, or I will never forgive you all.

Alienated

You would have thought that by sharing a common language, one wouldn't have too much problem with communications and having the "human connection" in a foreign country...

But I'm wrong at that.

Eventhough I've arrive in NZ for a year, I still often feel like the protagonist in Sofia Coppola's Lost in Translation. Feeling alienated, lonely, longed for companionship, yet unable to attain it. It's not like I don't know the easy solution to this dilemma. I could choose to either embrace this foreign culture, or hide myself with my expatriate friends. But I chose to reject both alternatives and accept alienation, for reasons I can't comprehend.

Why is authenticity worth such unhappiness?

First, Do No Harm

Valentine's Day 2008. The day that I will hereafter remember as the day I've failed to uphold the first principle in medicine: primum non nocere. To those unfamiliar with the term, it's a Latin phrase meaning "First, do no harm".

While examining a patient's ear with the otoscope (in a rather awkward position), I accidentally turned the handle much too quickly, causing the patient to exclaim in pain and jerked her head to the side. I was as shocked as she was then, as I was very certain that I have not introduced the otoscope too deep into her ear as to hit her eardrum. The doctor, slightly alarmed, proceed to take over the examination from me. I apologized profusely to the patient, and she told me it's alright and all.

After the patient left the clinic, the doctor told me that I've caused 2 small lacerations on her ear canal, one probably from turning the handle too much, while the other was probably caused by her sudden jerking movement. He later corrected me (gently and sternly) about the mistakes I should learn from this. I was burning with guilt and shame then for the rest of the day, hoping that the wounds will recover well, and wondering what permanent effect have I caused from this accident... The patient will probably don't want any med students to examine her for the rest of her life...

My pride is bruised from this incident, and I still feel the burden of guilt and shame as I'm typing this. This will be a day I'll never forget. Valentine's Day 2008.

Primum non nocere.

GP

Still feels a bit weary of life, but at least I'm coping now. When I saw the juniors so full of life and joy, I can't help but feel pity for them. Things gonna change real soon. Really hope they enjoy these last moments of blissfulness, before the whole world starts collapsing on them.

Starting off with 2 weeks of General Practice is OK so far, although the leisurely pace is really testing my patience. Most patients visit the clinic to get their 3-monthly prescription repeats, and I have yet to seen any acute cases after being in the clinic for 3 full days. But it's great to finally get my first observation of a cervical smear, and it's surprising how similar the procedure is to the models we practice on, and yet more difficult in a way (esp when you're trying to locate the cervix).

Quite happy that I'm finally familiar with the opthalmoscope, though I have yet to practice on a dilated pupil. At least I get to learn something. Let's hope things will get more productive next week.

Another Casualty Along the Road

You lied.
You did not make it.
I wonder why
(the fact you lie).

Yet another casualty along the road.
A comrade on hold.

How many miles left to go?

Unit 8B Online!

Moved in to my new accommodation smoothly last week, and finally got broadband installed at our place. Will upload some pics of our beloved new home (for the year) in awhile.

No New Year Resolutions for Thomas!

It's funny how most people who make new year resolutions are the very ones who neglect to fulfill them. From my own experience in the past, I identify myself as one such person, so I'm adamant that I won't make any empty promises to myself this year just to create an illusion that I'm heading somewhere.

Having said that, 2008 has started off pretty well for me. I'm gaining back my old enthusiasm in (good) music, especially since my discovery of Arcade Fire & Spoon at the beginning of the year. A friend of mine expressed his surprise in my venturing into the indie music scene, although I still don't get what 'indie music' sounds like (besides being unconventional of cuz). I have no idea where my music taste will eventually lead me too, but right now, I'm loving the fresh music I've discovered.

I've thought about my choice of studying medicine and all throughout the holidays, and I've decided that it's med school that I truly hate, while I'm still very enthusiastic of my future career as a doctor. So I guess I'll just have to toughen up and stomach thru another 2 years of horror & suffering. I sincerely believe that all the efforts and perseverence will be worth it, in the end of the day.

And I can't help but wondering, how many ppl still read my blog these days. Hah, I can hardly blame anyone but myself in this matter really, as I hardly made any initiatives to update myself with my peers' life. I admit I'm becoming increasingly self-obsessed for the past couple of years, trying to cope with the aftermath of the rejection of my... nvm, that's something that I should only post in the other blog of mine lol.

But I'd appreciate it if faithful visitors to my blog could juz tag something on the tagboard, pleeeease. It's heartbreaking to see no updates on the tagboard after a couple of months (besides the awful spam), and even Thomas get bored of talking to himself once in awhile. You can use whatever pretty nicks u want while you tag, so long as I know that at least, some sentient being is aware that I have posted something lol.

I guess this will be my last post till I fly to Auckland on Friday. Well I'll update more when I'm there then! Quite looking forward to my new accommodation! =)

Survivalism?

The modern man is plagued with complacency. Just think about it. We are so used to be dependent on others for our survival. Imagine one day when banks go bankrupt, food supply runs low, houses destroyed by natural disasters. Only when you're thrown into this unpredictable mess of a situation, will you realize how incompetent you are in basic survival. Or at least, I know I can't.

I think it's time I learn some basic survival skill. I have absolutely no idea where to start, but I should start soon. No I don't have delusions about the collapse of society and the end of the world as we know it, I just refuse to be blissful in my complacency.

2008

For the past few months, even at my happiest times, there's an ever-present gloom that constantly weighed me down. And I've come to realize that a part of me has died forever back in 2007. I've finally accepted the fact that med school will forever change me now, without feeling bitter and angry.

It's time to move on from here, and salvage what's left of me. Happy new year Thom. Here's to another year of understanding upon reflection, and anticipation of another year of the unknown, a year yet to be lived.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward."
-- Soren Kierkegaard